Physical safety is a must if a relationship is to be safe enough for recovery. With infidelity comes the most intense pain most people will ever experience. That pain, along with the emotional flooding, places individuals in an emotional state they’ve never before experienced. I’ve known people who, in fits of rage, have injured themselves, physically attacked their mate, physically attacked the affair partner, and who even physically hurt the children. None of this is ever acceptable in any shape or form. If you can’t commit to be safe enough for your mate and for yourself, then the two of you shouldn’t live together, even if you’re working on reconciling the relationship. To make the relationship safe enough there should be no:
1. Hurtful touching to others or self
2. Threats of suicide.
3. Threats of homicide
4. No destruction of property for the purpose of hurting your mate
5. No revenge affairs
If someone is incapable of controlling their anger, they need to remove themselves from the situation which puts them and their mate at risk. This protects both parties from doing something they will later regret.
I well understand the strength of the draw for revenge for the one who’s been wronged, but if vengeance is the goal, the relationship will never be safe enough. If anger and volatility are a problem, getting professional help will be necessary to set up protocols to keep the relationship safe. Don’t take the risk of injuring yourself or others (even if you feel they deserve it). It’s not worth it.
What I’ve just written isn’t a comprehensive list, but it does address many of the common struggles couples experience when trying to make their relationship safe enough for recovery. What I do know is that making safety a priority for a couple exploring the possibilities of recovery after an affair eliminates many of the pitfalls that cause couples to fail. For your sake and the sake of those close to you, please make it safe.
About Affair Recovery
Affair Recovery specializes in helping people heal after infidelity. After recovering from his own affair 25 years ago and helping 2,000+ other couples do the same, founder Rick Reynolds and his team have developed research-validated, groundbreaking online and in-person programs for redeeming the losses created by infidelity, betrayal, and sexual addiction. Take the free Affair Analyzer online assessment, to learn more, visit www.AffairRecovery.com