Most of my deep, meaningful conversations with my husband happen after really great sex. There’s no other time like the hour or so after physical union when I feel more close to my husband. The merging of our hearts, minds, and souls seems all the sweeter after the merging of our bodies. Most men who are brimming over with the aftermath of sexual fulfillment ooze with the desire to verbally share with their wives. My husband and I also often share “pillow prayer” during this time. It never hurts to ask your husband to pray aloud that you will have wisdom in meeting his sexual needs. Before you know it, he’ll be praying for himself in meeting your needs as well. The afterglow of a satisfying sexual union encourages golden communication on emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.
Don’t distress, however, if this type of communication doesn’t happen overnight. You might wow your husband for several months before he really starts sharing with you. But I would hazard a guess that most men aren’t quite as hard-hearted as that. Remember, if you’re only giving your husband sex to get some- thing in return—even good communication—your motives will be tainted. I cannot overstress how important it is that you selflessly devote yourself to fulfilling your husband’s needs and never abandon the quest for an excellent marriage.
We cultivate spiritual intimacy in our marriage through the traditional means—praying together, participating in a weekly Bible study with other couples, and enjoying Communion every Sunday. But more and more we are finding that the time we spend before falling asleep, when we snuggle close and share intimate conversation, is some of the most precious.
Communication and Fidelity
Many experts divide communication into the realms of verbal and nonverbal. Verbal communication includes what we say and the noises we make. For instance, a cheerful laugh, scornful snort, or an “oh brother” would be verbal communication, while rolling the eyes, a soft touch, or a silent smile is nonverbal. Both forms of communication carry a powerful message.
Faithful Verbal Communication
A woman of verbal fidelity lives by one rule: She speaks the truth in love. No matter what she says to her husband, it is couched in terms of love. If there is an issue in the marriage, she lovingly shares her concerns. She does not demean her husband for any reason. Any criticism is constructive and is bathed in prayer before being offered at all. Such a wife realizes that just because she sees an area where her husband can improve, she does not have license to immediately, swiftly, and concisely share it.
Faithful Nonverbal Communication
The wife who pledges nonverbal fidelity never uses her facial expressions as a means to control, insult, or belittle her mate. She refuses to play baby games such as the silent treatment as a means of “punishment.” Such a woman gazes upon her mate with adoration and respect pouring from her eyes. She meets him at the end of the day with a smile and an appreciative hug. When he talks, she listens with an attentive heart and clear focus on his eyes. She uses her hands to stroke his face, give him a shoulder massage, or clasp his hand in hers. The woman who pledges nonverbal fidelity looks for ways to silently communicate that, next to God, her husband is the most important person in her life.
Rest assured that your man craves your undivided fidelity as much as you crave his. I’ve come to the conclusion that men have some kind of a verbal fidelity antenna that swiftly and immediately picks up when their wives aren’t faithful in their words. A woman who pledges communication fidelity soon discovers that her husband becomes her best friend. She calls him first when something exciting happens. She doesn’t make a habit of canceling plans with him to be with her other friends.
Adapted from: Romancing Your Husband. Copyright © 2002 by Debra White Smith. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR. Used by permission