SonicFlood

Immunity

There’s a word God had been tossing my way — immunity. I kept asking him, “What do you want me to do with immunity?” I finally figured it out while working on a project that required me to consider how I would counsel a friend or colleague who’s fallen into sexual sin.

God was reminding me of this truth: There is no such thing as immunity from sexual sin.

New Christian, older Christian. Lukewarm Christian, on-fire Christian.  Growing Christian, barely moving Christian. Sexual sin can happen to anyone.

No one is immune . . .

No matter where we are in our spiritual journey, if we’re married, we need to pay heed to the fact we’re susceptible to temptation. Subtle Holy Spirit nudges — like the yellow flags officials toss onto a football field — can alert us to when we’re walking down the wrong path. We have a choice: We can ignore these warnings, or we can put up a protective net  and move away from a dangerous situation.

So ask yourself the following:

• Do I feel closer to my spouse today than yesterday?
• Do I think about someone of the opposite sex more often than my spouse?
• Do I share lunches or dinners with someone of the opposite sex?
• Do I have meetings by myself with someone of the opposite sex?
• Do I flirt with someone who is not my spouse?
• Do I extend touches on the hand, arm, or shoulder to someone of the opposite sex, or allow them to touch me?

Remember, when you think you’re safe, you’re not. Deception is always subtle.

Copyright © 2016 Sheri Mueller, Growthtrac Ministries

.

The Problem of “Less Than”

Recently, while I was standing in the frozen food section of the grocery store, searching for the gelato my husband loves, I overheard the following conversation between a husband and wife. Please excuse the use of profanity, but I decided to retain it to convey the full impact of what I heard:

If I want to buy the “f-ing” ice cream that costs $5, I will “f-ing” buy it. I make enough “f-ing” money to support your “f-ing” shoe habit, so I’ll “f-ing” support my ice cream habit.

I watched this woman’s demeanor as she walked away from her husband. Let me assure you, she felt small, insignificant, “less than.” If her husband chose to speak to her this way in public, without a doubt, his speech to her at home is much worse.

However, this didn’t end my grocery-store observations that day. As I next shopped in a toy store to purchase a birthday present, I overheard a wife say to her husband:

Why would you think that? That is so incredibly stupid. What are you, an idiot?

He also felt “less than.”

Scripture provides astounding insight into the way God desires us to speak to our spouse:

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them (Ephesians 4:29, NLT).

The Bible also addresses the impact the tongue has:

They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their bitter words like arrows (Psalm 64:3).

For some, derogatory words roll off their shoulders. They assume, My spouse is simply blowing off steam. But if these words have no impact, why do we become incensed when we hear a five year old use the “f” word or call a playmate “stupid”?

When I meet a husband or wife who tells me their spouse frequently swears, screams, calls them names, and throws things, we’re not talking about anger. We’re talking about abuse.

Unfortunately, incidences of abuse are growing. And it can take many forms – verbal, economic, sexual, emotional, psychological, physical, and more.

But the problem is, the more easily it becomes tolerated in a relationship — whether with a coworker, friend, or family member — the more easily you can become immune to its effects on the heart.

The truth is, abuse makes the other person feel less than. Abuse is deliberate. Abuse is about power, control, and intimidation. Abuse happens to men and women

Here are a few examples taken from the “Healthy Living” channel of care2.com to help you distinguish between anger expressed in a healthy manner and abuse:

• True anger is always mindful.
  Abuse is ego-driven and caught in mindsets (fixed mental attitudes).
• True anger is a form of assertiveness that shows respect.
  Abuse is aggressive — an attack.
• True anger shows tough love that enriches or repairs the relationship.
  Abuse explodes in rough or damaging mistreatment that endangers the relationship.
• True anger arises from displeasure at an injustice.
  Abuse arises from the sense of an affront to a bruised, indignant ego.
• True anger focuses on the injustice as intolerable but reparable. (Look at the examples of Christ’s anger in Scripture.)
  Abuse focuses on the other person as bad.
• True anger aims at a deeper, more effective bond; an angry person moves toward the other.
  Abuse wants to get the rage out no matter who gets hurt; an abuser moves against the other.
• True anger coexists with and empowers love; without fear.
  Abuse cancels love in favor of fear; fear-based.
• True anger is nonviolent, in control, and always remains within safe limits.
  Abuse is violent, out of control, derisive, punitive, hostile, and retaliatory.
• True anger includes grief and acknowledges this.
  Abuse includes grief but masks it with feigned invulnerability or denial.
• True anger believes the other is a catalyst of anger.
  Abuse believes the other is a cause of anger.
• True anger treats the other as a peer.
  Abuse treats the other as a target.
• True anger is a form of addressing, processing, and resolving.
  Abuse is a form of avoiding one’s own grief and distress.

If you’re dating, engaged, or married and recognize the abusive behaviors listed in your relationship, find a safe place away from your abuser. Many shelters offer help for both men and women. Even if you choose not to leave your abuser or stay at a shelter, you may qualify for individual and group counseling assistance. The National Domestic Abuse Hotline is 800-799-7233.