One of the greatest skills to acquire in marriage after a disagreement is the art of a true and sincere apology.   For some, this may seem like surrender, but surrendering pride is exactly what God wants us to do.  Proverbs 13:10 (NLT) tells us, “Pride leads to arguments; those who take advice are wise.”

I’d like to offer a few do’s and don’ts that will make your apologies more effective.

  • DO NOT stand across the room and shout out “sorry”
  • DO NOT say, “I’m sorry, but you made me…”
  • DO NOT say, “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, but…”
  • DO NOT apologize via text, email, or on Facebook — in person is best

And, the Do’s of apology

  • DO sit directly across from your spouse with eye-to-eye, face-to-face contact
  • DO ask, “How are you feeling after our disagreement?”  — sit and listen without rebuttal
  • DO take responsibility for your failure to listen or for jumping to conclusions
  • DO spit out the words,  “I was wrong.”
  • DO say, “I am deeply sorry.”
  • DO ask, “What can I do so we’re not at odds over this again?”
  • DO hug and kiss afterwards

Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas in their book, The Five Languages of Apology, tell us, “Domestic turmoil is often rooted in an unwillingness to apologize.  Partners in healthy marriages are willing to apologize.”

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Copyright © 2016 Sheri Mueller, Growthtrac Ministries

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