Do you remember those times early in your relationship that the world seemed to disappear when you made love, lost in each other’s embrace? If that intensity has cooled and sex isn’t as eager, fun, and adventurous as it used to be, it is time to get back on track—back to thrilling sex.

Top Four “Dos” for Men to Get That Female Slow Cooker Simmering

Men are streamlined, easy. They are ready to go anytime, anywhere. Women are more complicated. I often compared men to microwaves and women to slow cookers. If you want to warm up that slow cooker, here are four “dos.”

Let your wife be a woman, and show your appreciation

You married that woman because you were attracted to her differences, including the fact that she cared enough to ask you questions about yourself and your day. So let her be different. Allow her to be the communications expert she naturally is. Yes, she may be fussy about details and sometimes have bad timing—like in the middle of the football game—but that fussiness and commitment to improving your relationship make her who she is. It is part of that mystique you fell in love with in the first place.

A man has to accept a woman’s top needs—for affection, communication, and commitment—and learn how to read her. The prevailing winds of a woman change every day, and even from hour to hour. A man who can adjust to those changes, approach her sensitively, meet her needs, and ensure she feels loved, creates the environment of warmth a woman craves.

The prevailing winds of a woman change every day, and even from hour to hour.

In short, let her be a woman. Take her out for a nice dinner. Show your appreciation of her femininity when she dresses up for you. Whistle at her and touch those curves, showing that you still desire her. Surprise her with an appointment for a haircut or a facial, and don’t wince when you see the bill. Smile and compliment her on how beautiful she looks.

Encouraging your woman to be a female doesn’t make you a wuss

In fact, it makes you even more of a man. You can still wear the same shirt and ball cap you’ve worn for three days. You can eat the same breakfast two weeks in a row. You can still burp and release other gaseous noises . . . but please, not in her presence. And before you get amorous, brush your teeth and take a shower. Add a dash of cologne to tickle her oh-so-female nose. Then take that woman in your arms and start telling her what you appreciate about her.

Listen, but don’t problem-solve unless she asks

When your wife talks, she isn’t necessarily giving you that information to go from point A to point B. She is talking because she is in the midst of processing some information or an emotion and wants to share that with you. Most of the time, she will already have decided what she needs to do, but she longs for you—strong, wise man that you are—to empathize with her.

That something she’s telling you may or may not seem important to you, but you should treat it as important. When she talks, you need to actively listen. Listening in between commercials or with a grunt won’t satisfy her need for conversation. It would be like you taking one bite of a perfectly done steak and then having the waiter whisk it away from you.

Little things matter to a woman—texts to tell her you’re thinking of her; a quick phone call in the midst of your business trip; a surprise flower just to say, “I love you”; a midnight run to pick up Pepto-Bismol™️. Your involvement and your interest in the little and big things of her day make all the difference in the health of your marriage.

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Be her rock

Your wife wants you to be the strength she can count on, that immovable force who will protect her and your family against anything, whether it’s the neighbor who’s angry because you son trampled his flower bushes, a mouse that has taken up residence in your cereal cabinet, or an ex who keeps showing up uninvited.

Because women are wired innately to be relational, they also care intensely about relationships. Along with that caring comes deep emotion, which sometimes leaks out in a form we men dread—tears. Most men don’t know what to do with them. Many of us tend of edge into another room, either saying nothing or muttering, “Uh, honey, when you’re done with that, maybe we could do dinner.”

But the “rock” man, when he sees tears, gathers his wife in his strong arms, lets her cry it out, and simply holds her until she’s ready to talk about it.

I guarantee, gentlemen, that if you do that, it doesn’t matter whether you’re only five feet, eight inches, and 140 pounds. You’ll be bigger to her than Dwayne Johnson, The Rock.

Get active—both inside and outside the bedroom

If a man only makes love to his wife in the bedroom, both are missing out. He needs to make love to her outside the bedroom. I’m talking about helping.

Think of it this way, men. Every time you carry the laundry up the stairs for your wife, every time you take out the garbage or vacuum the hallway, every time you bring milk home from the store, you are gaining points of respect with your wife. You are saying, “I’m a man who can be counted on to help out with whatever you need.”

A woman whose husband serves her practically is going to be a much more willing participant in their bed because she appreciates his efforts and respects him as a man. Sure, she looks capable, juggling all those tasks. But that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t welcome her husband’s help or that she doesn’t need it. Nothing would please her more than to have you ride in on your white steed to rescue her from a difficult situation, to spirit her away for a break, or simply to get the job done.

A woman who has a good sex life tends to experience less stress in life. She knows she’s in good hands with her husband because he has her best in mind. That’s why he doesn’t mind changing diapers, cleaning up vomit, or spraying the hornet’s nest in the mailbox. That man is willing to do anything for his wife. In response, he gains a partner who is willing to do anything with, and for, him.

From Have a New Sex Life by Friday by Dr Kevin Leman. Copyright ©️2017 by Kevin Leman. Used with permission of Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group

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