10 Good Ways to Work at Sex

as heard on

Do all you can to resolve “body image” problems. You know the drill: a husband pays his wife a compliment (“You’re beautiful”) and she doesn’t believe him. That might seem like a modest response on her part, but it actually could be a hindrance to their physical intimacy over time. Each spouse needs to bring a healthy self-image into the bedroom, or your sex lives will suffer.

Get to know your own body. This might sound a bit obvious, but it’s important for this reason: the vast majority of us did not receive positive, value-centered sex education from our parents. As a result, what little we actually do know about our bodies we learned in high school biology class. Understanding how your body works and what uniquely influences your sex drive will definitely improve the quality of the physical intimacy you share with your spouse.

Allow for “Couple Time” regularly. This may sound pretty basic, but one of the best ways to get “in the mood” for physical intimacy is to simply spend time with your spouse. This isn’t always easy with the demands of modern life — work, kids, church obligations and the like can really pack a family’s schedule. But Mom and Dad need some regularly scheduled “alone time” for just you two — so make that a priority!

Conserve energy. And this does not refer to using less electricity in the home! Sexual desire is a manifestation of our sex drive, so if that energy is being spent on building a new business, engaging in sports or any other worthwhile, but time and energy-consuming, activity, your sex life may suffer as a result. Save your strength — your spouse will thank you for it!

Clear out distractions. This is another “basic” requirement to be sure, but the breathless pace of modern life doesn’t always make this an easy principle to follow! Very few of us can “multi-task” all that well, and the more you “have on your mind,” the less interested you’ll be in physical intimacy with your spouse. Ruthlessly eliminate stress and distractions in your home, and your sex life has a much better chance of improving.

Assume responsibility. When a couple is experiencing sexual dysfunction in their relationship, it’s too easy for one spouse to blame the other for the problems. Not only is that unfair, it also demonstrates a lack of responsibility. Each spouse must assume responsibility for his or her own body and related sexual issues. It’s the only way for a couple to truly come together as one, building the kind of physical intimacy into their marriage that they each desire.

Have fun! If you’ve never heard or read this anywhere else, read it here — sex was created by God for the enjoyment of a man and woman in marriage. It’s supposed to be fun — so enjoy it!

Those are just a few suggestions on how to work at improving the quality of physical intimacy in your marriage. You may need to go a step further and seek professional help if needed — and, if you do need help, I hope you will. A good place to start is with the website of Clifford and Joyce Penner and Associates: www.passionatecommitment.com. So get to work — and have fun!


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Copyright © 2006 Jim Burns, Used with permission.

Read more from Jim at homeword.com

In response to the overwhelming needs of parents and families, Jim Burns founded HomeWord (formerly YouthBuilders) in 1985. HomeWord is a Christian organization designed to provide assistance to adults worldwide as they help young people make wise decisions and lead positive, vibrant, Christian lifestyles.

Multiplication and Leverage: While absolutely committed to young people, HomeWord equips parents, grandparents and youth leaders; those who daily reach out to kids. By equipping adults, and leveraging those adults to reach kids, HomeWord reaches more young people more cost effectively.

About Jim Burns

bio-burnsJim Burns, Ph.D., is a renowned youth and family expert, an acclaimed author, and the founder of HomeWord, a radio program that reaches more than a million people across the country each day. In partnership with Azusa Pacific University, he established and now provides leadership for the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family, a research and training institute offering biblically based resources for parents and youth. Under Burns, the center has become the largest provider of Christian parenting and youth seminars in the United States. His passion is communicating to adults and young people practical truths to help them live out their Christian lives. Burns is a three-time Gold Medallion Award-winning author and has written books for parents, youth workers, and students. He also speaks in person to thousands of people each year around the world. Burns and his wife, Cathy, and their daughters, Christy, Rebecca, and Heidi, live in Southern California. For more information about Burns, visit homeword.com.
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