Yes, Christian Women Use Porn Too

Increasingly, Christian women are struggling with pornography

Although women and men are hardwired differently, more women are battling this temptation than ever before. Why? Perhaps curiosity is part of it, the desire to know what pleases men. Or perhaps the thought that this could be a pathway to intimacy also contributes.

Men are hardwired to experience the sex act, but women see sex as a way to intimacy. Open doors for temptation for women can include unmet emotional needs, boredom, stress, or a past abuse or abandonment that has not addressed or has healed.

Men prefer something visual. Many women prefer stories and chat rooms—but are increasingly viewing pornographic images and video. In an article from Todays Christian Woman magazine, 34 percent of Christian women admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn. Click To Tweet

Crystal Renaud is founder of Dirty Girls Ministries. This ministry, which addresses Christian women and pornography, conducted an online survey of 700 Christian women. The findings were sobering. It found 68 percent of the women surveyed admitted to watching pornography frequently, and 55 percent admitted feeling their pornography watching was out of control (dirtygirlsministries.com).

According to the website PolicyMic, “One in three visitors of porn sites are women” (3-9-13). And the Rochester CITY Newspaper reports that “as many as 40 percent of those who have problems with sex addiction from online interactions are women” (9-28-11).

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If you are one of these women, what can you do to break free?

  1. Surrender your lust to God. As a Christian, you have the power of a resurrected Savior to break free from lust, sinful sexual thoughts, and fantasies. Offer no excuses, blame, or justification for your sin. Surrender your sinful thoughts, your sinful relationships, your sinful alliances such as chat rooms, your sexually explicit novels, television programs, or any pornography on your computer. Surrender it all. Lust has the powerful effect of making you forget about God, your family, friends, job, or reputation.
  1. Seek God’s forgiveness through repentance. God will forgive you! He promises! But the condition is a genuine turning to God and away from your sin. Repentance always leads to change. Repentance is not being sorry you got caught or regret the consequences. It means you take responsibility for your sin, confess it to God, ask him to forgive you, and in the power of a resurrected Savior, vow to never look at pornography again.
  1. Search your heart and ask, Why is lust a problem for me? What drives your need for pornography? It is vital you get to the source of the sin. This is a painful but necessary step in the process to freedom. Understanding why you struggle will help you to address it. Were you abused or abandoned? Is there a strained or broken relationship with your husband? Were you exposed to pornography as a child? Were you sexually abused? It may be a combination of things like the sexualized media, ungodly friends and influences, or a lack of affection from your husband or dad when you were young. Erotic romance novels such as the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy may be feeding your lust.
  1. Satan’s two lies must be addressed. What are those two lies? Lie Number 1 is: “There is nothing wrong with what you are doing.” Satan will attempt to minimize this sin. Yet God’s Word says sexual lust is sin and that includes looking at pornography. Lie Number 2 is: “You are the only Christian woman who struggles with this.” The sense of aloneness and shame can drive you deeper into despair. Satan wants you to think that the people you love will not love you any more if they find out. The secrecy has power over you. The truth is many women struggle as you do, and many women have overcome the seductive power of pornography through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ.
  1. Seek God’s forgiveness. God offers you his amazing grace and forgiveness when you repent. I John 1:9 states, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. “ Psalms 32:5 states, “I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity.”Once you confess your sin and repent, stand on God’s promises of forgiveness—don’t rely on your feelings. Don’t just take someone’s opinion about it. Grip God’s promises and don’t let go.
  1. Share your struggle with a trusted godly friend or leader. James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another.” You need to find the godliest woman you know and share your struggle. You need the help of another person. I believe you simply do not get better alone. That person may be a Christian counselor. Perhaps there are traumatic issues from your past you’ve never fully addressed and the medication you’ve used for the pain is pornography. God made us to heal in relationships. You won’t get better by yourself.
  1. Sit down with your husband and express to him your struggle. This is a painful yet necessary step in getting free. You will always feel guilty and in bondage unless you come clean with your husband. I would suggest you write your thoughts down in the form of a letter to him, and then face-to-face read it to him. Pray that God will prepare your husband’s heart, and then genuinely seek his forgiveness. This needs to happen in a quiet place where it is just the two of you with no distractions. Keep in mind the “timing” of the message delivery. You want to be certain your husband is in the right mindset to receive what you are about to tell him. Also, be certain to express your need to shed this from your life. Really emphasize this point so you will not fall victim to both of you viewing pornography together.
  1. Sources of pornography and lust must be eliminated. Wherever you have pornography, you must get rid of it— immediately.Is there a person who is influencing you in an ungodly way? You may need to cut some people loose from your life. Is there a particular place where you are tempted? You need to take great care to avoid those places as much as possible. Are there certain situations where you know you will be more tempted? Plan for those situations and how you will respond in a godly way. Are there certain times when you are more tempted? Specifically plan other activities that will feed your body, soul, and spirit.

Is there a person who is influencing you in an ungodly way? You may need to cut some people loose from your life.

  1. Spiritual disciplines are absolutely essential for realizing the power to overcome lust. I Timothy 4:7 says, “Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness” (NASB).Developing the habit of daily Scripture reading, praying, worshiping, solitude, being filled with the Spirit, and meditating on a specific Scripture empowers you to say yes to God’s will and no to sinful thoughts. Also, never underestimate the influence of fasting—going without food for a specific time in order to seek God more intensely. A daily commitment to spiritual disciplines builds a strong wall with which to withstand Satan’s temptations.
  1. Get involved in a support group that addresses female sexual addictions. It is essential you get involved in a healing community of people who understand your struggle and will hold you accountable. Find a support group that addresses female sexual addictions. Check out websites for Christian support groups, such as Freedomeveryday.org; FaithfulandTrueMinistries.com; Purelifeministries.com; Celebraterecovery.com. Take the time and make the effort to find a support group in a church in your community. That step has transformed thousands of women’s lives. Immediately women discover they aren’t the only ones struggling. Being in an all-female group takes away Satan’s opportunity to create opportunities for enticement and entrapment.

Copyright © 2016 Dr. Jay Dennis, Used with permission.

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Dr. Jay DennisAbout Dr. Jay Dennis

Jay Dennis has been the lead pastor of Church at the Mall, Lakeland, Florida, since February, 1996. He attended Fuller Theological Seminary, California (Doctor of Ministry). He has pastored churches in Texas and Oklahoma and is married to his best friend Angie. At present he has multiple writing projects for future books. He serves as an executive cabinet of the National Clergy Council in Washington, D.C. Pastor Jay has a passion to lead men to live lives of moral purity. He has developed a ministry called Join One Million Men, which asks men inside churches of all denominations to make a commitment to live a pornography-free life.    ▸ Read more

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