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 A true story from a life we've touched... My story of hopelessness and my journey to finding life... As a small child I called out to God for the first time in my life asking Him to save me from my nightmare of abuse. When He failed to do so I vowed never to call on Him again. For thirty-two years I kept that vow even while lying on a hospital bed and hearing my surgeons tell my husband that they were doing all they could, but my chance of survival and recovery did not look good.  Even
then, though fearing where I would end up for eternity, I refused
to break and call on God for help. For years I tried to block out
any knowledge that God even existed. But He lovingly pursued me all
along the way bringing His people into my path so that in spite of
my anger and hatred of Him, try as I might, I could not fully forget
Him.Shortly after my husband of nearly seventeen years and I married, he committed His life to Jesus Christ. Throughout the years I would sway between hating his faith, hating his changed life and him, threatening to divorce him and at times pretending for the sake of my children that I too loved their God. A few years ago due to new trauma in my family's life, I tossed out any pretense of loving or caring about God or His people. I no longer cared what anyone thought. With venom I told anyone trying to share with me my need for a Savior that I hated their God and they could keep Him. I gradually shut everyone in my life out, including my husband and children and lost any desire to go on living.
God's Plan Still, God strategically placed loving, forgiving believers in my path to gently guide me to Himself. Many, many Christians touched my life with their kindness, forgiveness and acceptance in spite of my hatred for them. Two weeks ago this past Sunday while my family sat in church praying for my soul, my anger at God again rose to a fever pitch. While searching for something on the Internet I accidentally landed on Growthtrac. After reading their statement of faith, my anger burning, I submitted a question to the Growthtrac staff stating that I had always hated God and wanted to know what made them think they had the answer. I never expected to get a reply, but did from one of Growthtrac's founders. The next few contacts made with them were a mixture of being gently told of my need for Jesus in my life and my hatefully replying and attacking the person writing to me. They too forgave and persisted seeing past my anger to my deepest need: the love of the Savior. Over the next few days God used many things to begin to soften my heart — the contact with Growthtrac's founders, words from my precious children and strangers who shared the reason for their faith with me. After waffling back and forth for days I finally began to break. With persistent, encouraging emails flying in from Growthtrac who had again and again gently prodded me toward making a decision, I made the decision to meet with the pastor of my family's church to discuss my questions and confusion concerning God. After leaving I still struggled. I did not want to give in and feared giving in even if my soul was at stake. But all of the words that had been spoken to me —that week especially —would not let me rest. Two weeks ago yesterday, after wrestling with God for hours while sitting by a lake near my home, I finally surrendered my heart, my life and my will to the Lord Jesus Christ my Savior and friend. He has transformed me and is transforming my marriage into one that can now bring Him glory. Thank you Growthtrac for your commitment to serving God through this very excellent ministry. Because of Him, Cynthia more stories...
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