The DiscoveryHave you just discovered your spouse on the internet viewing pornography? Or even worse, have you found evidence of your mate soliciting others for sex?
If so, are you feeling overwhelmed with betrayal? Do you feel foolish that you were oblivious to his/her addiction? Disgusted that you are married to someone with such darkness? Are you wondering if you can ever trust him/her again? Understand that these feelings are very normal after discovering such betrayal from the person you loved and committed your life to.
Understand that your spouse has NOT set out to intentionally hurt you. Rather, he/she is steeped in a dark sin that once the fantasy world of pornography has been experienced, it can rapidly pull them in. Eventually, just viewing pornography will become boring and he/she will need even more stimulus to satisfy his/her needs.
Finally, your spouse is broken. He/she is acting out of an emptiness or deep pain and the pornography is the numbing mechanism. Pornography or sexual addiction falls into the same level of seriousness as drug or alcohol abuse. The addiction cannot be broken until he/she is in treatment and undergoes extensive individual therapy to determine the source of pain.
I want to offer encouragement that you can help your spouse to engage in the change process through implementing firm boundaries and by creating a crisis in your marriage
- Please see Pornography