Romantic Notions

Things No One Tells You About Marriage

Here’s an insightful idea from my friend Juanita Wells.

What I Did

I arranged for my husband and me to have a weekly day to relax together and share hobbies he enjoys. For us, that hobby was golfing and fishing.

My Reason

At the time, my husband was the pastor of his first church. He was physically ill with back spasms and costochrondritis, which are usually related to stress. It was apparent he needed to take a complete day off and relax. But it’s hard to stay home and do that in a parsonage because the phone rings constantly, and his mind was focused on church relations. Pastors have to get away from the phone or not answer it, which he would not do if he were home. Also, I could see that if our relationship was to stay intact and we were to spend quality time together we needed to make it a priority to regularly take a complete day off together.

How I Felt

Refreshed! Our Monday golf or fishing excursion became our special haven from the pressures of the rest of the world.

The Obstacles I Overcame

The main obstacles were finances and working my occupation around his day off. I also had to get my husband to realize he should take a day off for his physical and mental health and that we needed “quality time” together. He was all for it if I could come up with the money, so I trimmed the budget to fit our need.

My Husband’s Response

He thought I was generally wonderful. Also, after hours of interacting on the golf course or fishing, we usually experienced a really special time of physical intimacy.

What I Wish I Had Done

Even though we enjoyed our time alone, I look back and wonder if I should have found something that would have occasionally included our daughters

Get more — Free! e-book — Les & Leslie Parrott's, The Good Fight

Budget Suggestions

Depending on your hobby of choice, this could be free or cost thousands of dollars. I suggest you do whatever budget adjustments are necessary in order to afford this relationship builder. Once I cashed in a savings account I had sweated to build up in order to buy a fishing boat. That boat was worth at least a million dollars to our relationship. I now tell other women—especially pastors’ wives—to note the hobbies their husbands enjoy most and learn to love them too.

 Prayer Points for Romance

If you are struggling with issues of communication then the following prayer points will begin your journey to healthy interaction with your mate.

 Pray that the Lord will give you the fortitude to begin dis- cussing sexual issues with your husband.

 Pray that God will empower you to abandon yourself to meeting your husband’s sexual needs—even if he isn’t meeting all your needs.

 Pray for the self-control to maintain communication fidelity.

 Pray that the Lord will show you ways to befriend your husband.

Pray that any wounds from past communication infidelity will be healed in your marriage

Adapted from: Romancing Your Husband. Copyright © 2002 by Debra White Smith. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR. Used by permission

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