No Joy in Sex?

For many women, sex is less than satisfying. Our culture has taught us that truly enjoying sex is something only men do. Instead of looking for solutions to our problems in the bedroom, we hide behind our embarrassment or our modesty. But sex is a wonderful gift that every married woman can enjoy — we were designed for it! How can you bring more fulfillment into your sex life?

Communicate. Experts agree — the best way to solve your sexual problems is working together with your husband. Though it’s tough to make yourself vulnerable and share your most intimate feelings, suffering with the frustration and lack of fulfillment that sexual dissatisfaction brings is even harder. Work on phrasing your suggestions and comments in a positive and non-critical way; sex is an intimate and delicate topic for your mate, too. Be as truthful and specific as you can while still being sensitive to his needs. Once you’ve learned to talk about your fears and desires, you’ll find you can solve many of your sexual difficulties together.

Sex begins in the mind. Many women experience sexual dissatisfaction when they are struggling with emotional issues. You may feel distant from your mate because of financial struggles or you might be angry with him for his inattentiveness. These distractions are enough to leave any woman with no desire. Dealing with the emotional root of the problem can restore your freedom to enjoy sex. Talk to your partner, and possibly a counselor, about your emotional issues. You may find that when you leave this baggage at the bedroom door, the experience is more pleasurable for both of you.

Learn to say yes. Most women don’t desire sex as often as their husbands do. But saying no can become a habit that prolongs sexual dissatisfaction. So even when you’re tired or you just don’t feel like it, go ahead and take the plunge. As with most things in life, practice makes perfect. The more often you and your mate engage in sexual activity, the more likely you are to discover your strengths and weaknesses and make it a more pleasurable experience for both of you.

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Know your body. Some sexual dissatisfaction issues are medical in nature. If you’ve tried other avenues to deal with your sexual difficulties and you continue to struggle with a lack of fulfillment, you may need to consult a doctor. Medications can solve many physiological problems and make sex a real pleasure.

Enjoy other options. Sex isn’t all about intercourse. When you and your partner are struggling with sexual issues, taking the pressure off “the act” can make things easier for both of you. Spend time snuggling, enjoy each other’s company on a date or during a quiet evening at home or focus on kissing and caressing one another. You may find your sexual difficulties are easier to handle when you’ve spent time being intimate without intercourse.

Don’t ignore your pain. Some sexual difficulties result from past sexual traumas, such as rape or abuse. If you’ve had negative sexual experiences, you may benefit from the help of a professional counselor or pastor. Resolving your hurt and anger from the past can help you to enjoy a healthy sexual relationship in the present.

Copyright © 2002 Lisa Brock. Used by permission

Originally seen at TroubledWith.

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