We are bombarded daily by messages about sex. However, according to Anais Nin, “We have been poisoned by fairy tales.” There are radio shows, television programs, magazines, books, and movies that are extremely bold about what sex should be. Unfortunately, they repeatedly offer a distorted and sometimes even perverted view of the subject.
Therefore, we need to dispel some common myths about sex be- fore we delve into what sex in a God-designed marriage is.
Myth #1. Sex is not spiritual.
This may sound ridiculous, but there are some religious people who believe that sex is not spiritual and that it is condoned within marriage only for the purpose of procreation. Yet, we know that God created sex. We know that God created only that which is pure, lovely, and for the purpose of glorifying Him.
Myth #2 Sex must be tolerated and endured.
Years ago, mothers actually taught their daughters that sex was something they would simply have to endure. They believed that it was only for the pleasure of the man, and that they needed to tolerate it to keep peace in their marriage. However, through Genesis, Proverbs, and the Song of Songs, the Bible makes it abundantly clear that God designed sex to be enjoyed by both partners in the marriage relationship.
Myth #3. Husbands and wives have exactly the same sexual expectations.
As we discussed in the previous chapter, God intentionally created men and women to be different. We are wired differently. As a result, we have inherently different desires, moods, and interests when it comes to intimacy.
Myth #4. We don’t need to learn. Just do what comes naturally.
Movies and romance novels make sex look spontaneous, exhilarating, and natural. The couple’s eyes meet across a crowded room, they instantly fall into a trance, and the rest is history. This is not the way intimacy happens. Just as we have to learn how to verbally communicate with our spouse, we need to learn how to satisfy him or her sexually. We need to educate ourselves so that we can become great lovers.
Myth #5.Normal couples have sex at least two or three times a week.
Men and women both have a question in mind that relates to this myth. Women want to know, “What’s normal?” Men ask, “What’s possible?” Again, we have to remember that we are wired differently. The bottom line is that there is no such thing as a generalized norm in marriage. What’s normal for you is what you and your spouse both agree is right for your relationship.
Myth #6 Sex should always be a ten.
Sometimes we will feel the earth move, and sometimes we feel we don’t. A great sex life grows out of what’s happening emotionally and spiritually in our individual lives and in our marriage relationship. Sometimes everything will be absolutely “on,” and sometimes it’s definitely “off.”
Myth #7 Sex gets boring the longer you’re married
Couples who have been in mutually fulfilling marriages for many, many years can tell you that this just isn’t true. The longer you have to study your lover, really learning about your lover’s likes, dislikes, and desires, the better you can satisfy him or her. As the years go by, if you are working at your marriage, you will grow and mature in this area too.
Adapted from Renovating Your Marriage Room by Room by, Dr. Johnny C. Parker Jr.
Copyright © 2012 Dr. Johnny C. Parker Jr., published by Moody Publishers, Used with Permission.