My Husband and I Aren’t Facebook Friends


My husband, Philip, and I have been married a long time, so family and friends might be surprised to discover we’re not Facebook friends.

Sure, Philip’s sent me a friend request and I include him in posts on my Facebook timeline, but I’ve never accepted his request. We’re still happily married and talk in person, on the phone, and via text — but when it comes to Facebook, we remain friends of friends.

In case people are wondering, I feel confident it’s no sin to ignore your husband’s Facebook friend request. And here are

four reasons why I decided not to“friend” Philip.

We talk in person, on the phone, and via text — but when it comes to Facebook, we remain friends of friends.

Reason #1: The Grammar Cop

As a writer and editor, if I see my husband’s posts with typos and grammatical errors, I’ll just want to jump in and edit his comments. But I’m pretty sure God hasn’t assigned me to be Philip’s online editor. Some might see it at helping him, but I’m not sure my motives wouldn’t be rooted more in caring what other people think than being a help to him.

First Peter 5:6-7 advises me to humble myself before God and cast my anxiety on him because he cares for me. So trusting God to guide my husband’s Facebook comments — instead of stepping in and trying to manage them myself — is one way for me to humble myself before God and trust him.

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Reason #2: The Source of the Matter

Whether sharing viewpoints on Facebook or from a pulpit, it’s important for Philip’s words to be led by God rather than by me. When Philip was senior pastor at a church, congregants would often ask me to tell him what topics to preach about in his weekly sermons. Well, this didn’t work with me. I have enough of the fear of God in my life to respect God’s calling on my husband’s life.

However, I’d often hear topics we’d discussed at home come up in Philip’s sermons, not because I told him to talk about them, but because God often works through a wife to speak to her husband. And if what we had discussed showed up in his sermons, I knew it was because God was leading him to talk about it and not because his wife was trying to put words in his mouth at the pulpit. I suspect the same can be true of topics Philip might post about on Facebook, too.

Reason #3: His Words, His Way

My husband and I often don’t express ourselves in the same manner. We have differing ways of communicating or use different types of words. To me, his language can sometimes come across guy-like and rough, causing me to flinch. However, I realize that there are people in the world who will resonate more with his words than mine, so I resist the temptation to control how he states things.

Reason #4: R-e-s-p-e-c-t

Believe it or not, my reasons for not accepting Philip’s friend request are based much more on my weaknesses as a spouse than his, and more for his overall well-being than mine. Ephesians 5:33 encourages a wife to respect her husband, so this is one practical way I live it out in our marriage. God created Philip to be who he is, and gave my husband the freedom to express himself as he chooses. So who am I then to dictate his online presence?

We’re Good

Lest any loved ones still worry because I don’t “like” Philip’s posts or make comments, there’s no need for concern. My husband makes me a cappuccino every morning, kisses me good-bye before work each day, fills my car up with gas even though I’m quite capable of doing it myself, and so much more.

Not friending my husband on Facebook is working at our house — and we’re sticking to it.

Reprinted with permission from

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    How do you update your Facebook relationship status to married if you’re not friends?



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