Married…with Passion

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Think about it: 90 percent of life is filled with mundane tasks, such as changing dirty diapers, cleaning up countless spills, paying the bills, going to the grocery store, filling the gas tank. And many men and women have financial obligations that require them to work in deadly dull jobs.

Into this world of obligation and responsibility, God has dropped something absolutely fabulous into our laps. At the end of the day (and sometimes at the beginning!), when our work is done and the kids are in bed, we can touch, kiss, and pleasure each other in such a way that the world feels light-years away.

A  fulfilling sex life colors the marriage from top to bottom and is a powerful marital glue — even stronger than children, common values, faith, or dreams. The kind of sex I’m talking about takes work and forethought — but the dividends are worth the effort.

Women: Why you want to make hubby happy

1. A sexually fulfilled husband will do anything for you. Sex is such a basic need for men that when this area is well taken care of, they feel immense appreciation and act accordingly. A sexually fulfilled man drives to work thinking, I’m so glad I married that woman. I must be the happiest man alive! And then heads home thinking, What special thing can I do for my wife this evening? If you want this kind of loyalty and appreciation, meet your husband’s sexual needs; no other need generates such deep thankfulness.

2. A sexually fulfilled husband is a scriptural mandate. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 the apostle Paul writes: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

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3. A sexually fulfilled husband will feel good about himself. So much of who we are as men is tied into how our wives respond to us sexually. While this may surprise some of you wives, as a psychologist I believe that every healthy man wants to be his wife’s hero. While he’s delighted that you’re experiencing an ecstatic orgasm, he’s also watching you thinking, I did that to her, thank you very much.

Men: Make your wife happy

1. Sex is better when it’s offered. The best sexual satisfaction comes from satisfying someone else, not in being satisfied.

2. Who’s winning in the marriage? If you “win” in your marriage, you’ll lose at life. Give up control. Use your power to serve, protect, and pleasure.

3. Sexually pursue your wife outside the bedroom. Good sex is an all-day affair. You can’t treat your wife like a servant and expect her to be eager to sleep with you at night. Your wife’s sexual responsiveness will be determined by how willingly you help out with the dishes, the kids’ homework, or that leaky faucet that drips.

Every couple can benefit from improving their sex lives. It’s pleasant work, and in my experience there are few things that produce such amazing fringe benefits.

Adapted from Sheet Music. © 2003 by Kevin Leman. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.

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