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Marriage Mentoring
• More about Marriage Mentoring — Marriage
Mentoring: The difference it can make
Thanks for your interest in Growthtrac Marriage Mentoring
—an experience that will provide support, learning and
a valued mentor relationship as you build a strong marriage.
With a national divorce rate hovering around fifty percent,
you need an edge. Prepare now for a marriage that will last.
Make mentoring part of your preparation process!
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Marriage Mentoring: The difference
it can make
By Dr. Dennis Lowe
It's striking that more guidance is required when
taking a whitewater rafting trip than the journey
of marriage.
Here are some comments from couples who have had marriage
mentors:
"The marriage mentoring program has been incredibly
helpful to us because our mentors have been through
a lot of the things we are going through now. We benefit
from what they have learned."
"Because of the guidance we have received from our
marriage mentor couple, we feel that we have an advantage
that will help us have a life-long marriage."
Have you ever been whitewater rafting? Imagine arriving
at the trip site and being informed that this stretch
of the river is a Class IV or V ride. That means that
you will likely encounter big waves and strong currents.
There will be multiple obstacles to maneuver around.
The conditions and obstructions in the water could
snag the raft or even upend it. You are then asked
if you would like to take the trip alone or have an
experienced guide go along with you. What would you
choose? Not having much experience with this type
of course, you are relieved to discover that a trained
guide is actually a required part of the experience.
Someone who has been down this course before and knows
the best direction to take and the obstacles to avoid
is a welcome sight. Marriage Mentoring.
But what about guides for marriage? Some say that
marriage is the riskiest venture most people undertake
in their lives. It has its own set of obstacles, strong
currents, and obstructions —.including the risk
that the relationship might capsize. For example,
under current trends, young people marrying for the
first time face a 40-50% risk of divorce in their
lifetime. However, many begin this exciting, yet risky
journey on their own. Increasingly, churches are developing
marriage mentoring programs in an effort to provide
younger couples with experienced guides to help them
on their marital journey.
What are some of the specific obstacles that marriage
mentors can help younger couples navigate around or
avoid altogether?
Limited Models and Tools Unfortunately, many
young couples enter marriage without the benefit of
good role models. Hence, they have not developed constructive
relationship skills for communicating, resolving problems,
or affirming each other. Marriage mentors with healthy,
stable relationships provide positive role models
for these young couples.
Isolation In the process of pursuing educational
and career goals, many young couples find themselves
separated from their previous support system. They
often find it difficult to connect with other couples
who will support and encourage them in their marriages.
Marriage mentors become important stakeholders in
the young couple's relationship. All of us benefit
from having people in our lives who care about our
marriages.
Challenges of the Early Years of Marriage.
In one study, 49% of couples indicated they were experiencing
serious problems in the first year of marriage. Of
those who divorce, 40% do so in the first three to
four years of marriage. Mentors become important sounding
boards as young couples face the inevitable challenges
of marriage during these early years before the problems
become deeply entrenched.
Disillusionment Most couples enter marriage
with high ideals and aspirations for their relationship.
At some point, disillusionment will result when reality
does not match their ideals. Unfortunately, some then
give up on the relationship assuming they made a mistake.
Mentors can help couples see that these periods of
disillusionment are a common part of maturing relationships
rather than a sign of a failed marriage.
Pessimism About Marital Success Research indicates
that young people, being acutely aware of a number
of failed marriages, are skeptical about the viability
of marriage over time. Mentor couples provide hope
that the creation of a satisfying, long-term relationship
is possible.
Churches are in the best possible position to establish
a marriage mentor program. Besides supporting younger
couples, mentor couples find that their marriages
are strengthened as well. If you are a young couple
interested in a mentor couple or an established couple
with a heart to strengthen marriage, why not suggest
the development of this vital ministry in your congregation?
Copyright © Dr. Dennis Lowe. Used with permission.
Originally seen at First Years and Forever, the e-newsletter
published by the Family Ministries Office of the Archdiocese
of Chicago.
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