Home Improvement

Home Improvement

When a Man Enters a Home Improvement Store…

  • His heart rate increases.
  • Endorphins flood his bloodstream.
  • He forgets why he entered the store.
  • His eyes move from right to left, trying to decide where to start.
  • He wanders toward the tools to see what is new.
  • He dreams of everything he could do with a new cordless drill.
  • He checks out the new fencing material. On the way to the fence materials, he notices the new ladders and compares them to the one he already owns.
  • He remembers that he came for lightbulbs.
  • On the way to the lighting section, he stops at the tools again to check out the tool belts. He wonders if he looks sexy to his wife with his tool belt on. He asks himself, If I bought a new tool belt, would our sex life improve? He can’t figure out the answer, so he heads for the lightbulbs.
  • On the way to the lightbulbs, he notices the lawn mowers. He asks himself, Do we need a riding lawn mower? If we did, which one would I want?
  • He wanders down the lawn-care aisle to see what is new.
  • He checks out the chain saws. He doesn’t need one, but he feels more like a man standing next to them.
  • He wonders how long he has been in the store.
  • He pulls the note out of his pocket to remind himself why he came to the store.
  • He finds the lightbulb aisle and picks up the lightbulbs.
  • He realizes his wife is probably wondering what happened to him.
  • On the way to the checkout stand, he stops at the tools again and checks out the new tape measures. He knows they don’t cost very much, so he decides to get a new one.
  • He continues to the checkout line.
  • He buys the bulbs but decides at the last minute not to get the tape measure.
  • He gets in the car to drive home and says to himself, I wish my wife could have been here to see all this great stuff.

When a Woman Enters a Home Improvement Store…

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  • She checks her list to remind herself she needs lightbulbs.
  • She stops at the information center and asks where the right aisle is.
  • On her way to the lights, she notices a lot of men in the tool section.
  • She asks the man in the light aisle which lights would be best for her lamp.
  • She puts the lightbulbs in her basket.
  • She heads for the checkout stand.
  • She wonders why three men are standing in front of the chain saws.
  • She buys the lightbulbs and notices that the lady at the checkout stand has the same name as her sister. She has a five-minute conversation with her because no one else is in line. She finds out the names of her two kids, where she graduated from high school, and where she will be going on vacation next summer.
  • She gets in the car to drive home and wonders if she just met a new friend.

Adapted from The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make: Bringing Out the Best in Your Relationship.

Copyright © 2008 Bill and Pam Farell, Published by Harvest House.  All rights reserved, used by permission.

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