Think Ahead

Would you dive headfirst into a lake without learning first how deep and how warm (or cold) the water was? Would you buy a house or agree to rent an apartment without checking it out first? Would you accept a job if you didn't know what you would be doing, how much you would be paid, what kinds of benefits you would receive, or what the working conditions were? Only if you tended to act on impulse or if you were very desperate, right?

The same is true in marriage. Few people decide to get married without some idea of what they are getting into. The problem, though, is that too often they have less than a biblical view of marriage in mind, or they naively expect the romance to continue without a glitch, or they merely continue to duplicate the less-than-ideal marriage patterns they observed as they grew up. As a result, when problems arise in the marriage, they fail to address the issues properly and live in conflict, ignore the problem and hope it goes away, or else they decide to end the marriage. That's why it's so important for those who are contemplating marriage to think ahead to what they're getting into.

What did Rebekah and Isaac think they were getting into? Genesis 24 doesn't tell us much about this. We have to assume that they, like Abraham, knew what had been passed down to them from the first marriage in the Garden of Eden. And they had watched their God-fearing parents respect the Lord's plan for marriage.

Isaac must have known, for example, that marriage had strong spiritual implications--he knew that his wife was not to be a pagan idolater but someone who was spiritually compatible and who would join him in preserving the faith and passing it on to the next generation (24:1-7). For the 37 years before his mother had died, Isaac had observed his parents' relationship.

What is God's view of marriage? God designed marriage to be the closest and best of all human relationships. A man and woman were created to complement one another's physical, spiritual, emotional, and social needs and abilities in the special relationship we call marriage (Gen. 2:18-25). Their union was to be more than merely a sexual act, it was to be a union of purpose, hearts, and souls. Your selection of a marriage partner must be someone who will complement your needs, and someone whose needs you can joyfully fulfill.

God conducted the first marriage ceremony, and He has been involved in every ceremony since then. Jesus referred to the creation account of Adam and Eve and the one-flesh union of man and wife, and then He said, "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Mt. 19:6).

God clearly has made known his hatred for divorce (Mal. 2:16). New Testament passages like Ephesians 5 extol the sacredness of the marriage relationship and the need for husband and wife to give each other their all.

What are the responsibilities of the husband and the wife? Contrary to some opinion, marriage is not a master-slave relationship. And contrary to the pattern of some existing marriages, it is not supposed to be an adversarial relationship either. The following are two key marital responsibilities:

Sexual faithfulness (Ex. 20:14, Gal. 5:19). This is faithfulness in both action and attitude (Mt. 5:27-28). Husband and wife are to have eyes and thoughts only for each other.

Distinctive roles (1 Cor. 11:3-16; Eph. 5:22-33; Col. 3:18-19; 1 Tim. 3:4,12; Titus 2:4-5; 1 Pet. 3:1-7). Just as within the Trinity, the Father, Son, and Spirit are equal but have different roles, so too the husband and wife are given different roles by God.

The husband is to provide loving leadership (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23,25,28; Col. 3:19). He is to do all he can to understand his wife's needs and treat her with tender respect (1 Pet. 3:7).

The wife is to provide loving help to the husband and family (Gen. 2:18; Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18; Ti. 2:4-5; 1 Pet. 3:1).

It is popular in some cultures today for the distinctive roles of husband and wife to be discarded as sexist and outdated stereotypes, which no longer apply in our modern, enlightened world. The problem with that view is that God created men and women with different biological and relational roles. And the Bible gives no indication that God's created distinctives should be ignored or glossed over.

No one said it would be easy! Love takes a lot of work. A person who goes into marriage with the notion that life will be total romantic bliss has a rude awakening ahead. Most people are more realistic, but their expectations still exceed the reality that they encounter.

How important should sex be? Your sexual relationship is an expression of the intimate relationship of body and soul that you and your spouse will share. The sex drive is a powerful force; because of that, God designed marriage as the place where that drive is fulfilled (Heb. 13:4). First Corinthians 7:2 and 9 tell us that the desire for sexual fulfillment is one good reason to get married. Granted, more ought to be involved, but the sexual attractiveness will be there, and the sexual relationship should be enjoyed unreservedly (Prov. 5:15-19). A husband and wife are to recognize that they have a duty of providing sexual satisfaction to their mate (1 Cor. 7:3-5).

Is premarital counseling necessary? Maybe not necessary, but couples have found it to be very helpful. Some people have gotten enough good, sound biblical counsel from their parents as they have grown up, and they've seen good marriages in action, so for them extensive counseling probably isn't necessary. Many pastors insist on counseling sessions with every couple they marry, and that's a good idea. At the very least, a couple needs to understand what marriage is all about, how to handle disagreements, how to handle their roles, how to relate to each other sexually, and how to build one another up spiritually. And good premarital counseling paves the way for later counseling if problems arise in the marriage.

Thinking It Over. Why do the responsibilities of marriage scare some people? How does society today view commitment in marriage? What kind of good and bad marriages did you observe in your family and friends as you grew up? How will you make sure that your marriage honors the Lord?





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