It's not easy to wait for someone else to give you what you desperately long for. It's silly, I know, but I don't enjoy waiting in a long line at a fast-food place where the smell of the hamburgers only makes me hungrier. I don't enjoy financial crunches when bills come in faster than paychecks, and I'm left wondering when and if the account balance will ever be in the black again.

Our entire lives seem to be a process of learning to wait in dependence on others. It

all begins when we are infants —we want our milk, our "blankie," our favorite stuffed animal, or a clean diaper. We have to learn again and again that we can't have everything now. We have to wait for Mom and Dad or others to provide what we need.

As Christians, we have to learn over and over that we must wait on the Lord, the One who provides all we need. It's not an easy lesson for any of us. We have to discover that His timing is best, that He has everything under control. That's easier said than done. For a man or woman who has an aching heart and longs to get married, the wait can be very, very hard.

What does the story of Isaac and Rebekah tell us about trusting God to provide? Abraham and his servant Eliezer (rather than Isaac and Rebekah) give us the example to follow (Gen. 15:2-6; 24:2-4). In verse 7, Abraham expressed his trust in God's ability to lead Eliezer to the right woman for his son. Abraham said, "The Lord . . . will send His angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there." This statement of faith was not wishful thinking. Rather, those words grew out of a long-term close relationship that Abraham had with the Lord. He could look back and see how the Lord had met every need and led him in the past. He knew that the Lord could be trusted to guide him in this crucial choice for his son Isaac.

Abraham was a living, breathing example of the truth of Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." As Abraham lived by faith, the Lord blessed him and guided his life. His servant Eliezer displayed the same kind of faith when he prayed, "O Lord God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show kindness to my master Abraham" (Gen. 24:12).

Today we can have the same confidence and quiet assurance that our lives are under God's control. As long as we walk humbly, submissively, and obediently, we need not worry that we'll somehow miss God's direction about which way to turn. Just as Abraham humbled himself before the King of the universe, so too we are to seek first the kingdom of God and He will take care of all we need (Mt. 6:33); and that includes helping us to find a spouse or to live for Him as a single person.

Why is God taking so long? You can be sure that any delay you may encounter is for your good, not His attempt to torture you! It can seem as if God is leaving you hanging when you want nothing more than to get married and settle down.

Many young and old people experience "senior panic." A young person can begin to panic when he or she hits the senior year of college or the age when all of his or her friends are getting married. And some senior citizens can become panicky when they are widowed or come to a time in life when they really need companionship. Whether young or old, people can end up looking for a quick fix to their longings for a marriage partner. That, needless to say, is extremely dangerous.

Whether young or old, God wants you to call on Him, walk close to Him, and wait on Him (Ps. 27:13-14; Isa. 30:18). Be honest with the Lord about your desire to be married. Those feelings are right and good! But don't lose patience and wander away from God in your attempt to find someone to marry.

How is your personal walk with God? Are you trusting Him with the small, day-to-day decisions? Are you living in continual dependence on Him? Are you in the place and attitude where He can get your attention?

When the servant of Abraham spoke to Rebekah about his purpose for being in Nahor, he said, "As for me, being on the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master's brethren" (Gen. 24:27). Eliezer had followed instructions and was in the place where God could give further direction. We too must be "on the way," walking in obedience to God, if we expect Him to lead us in the future.

Are you in the place where God can lead you? You can't expect Him to direct you to a fine Christian mate if you are hanging around with people who don't have a good reputation, if you are engaging in premarital sex with those you date, if you are neglecting times of personal prayer and worship, or if you are harboring sinful attitudes. We can't expect God's help in choosing a mate if we are living in disobedience to all that we know is His will.

Will God provide a marriage partner for everyone? No. Some people are designed and gifted for the single life while others are designed for married life (1 Cor. 7). Ideally, in a Garden of Eden type of existence, every man and every woman would find the perfect mate. But this is an imperfect world, where the ideal no longer is operative. In this present situation, God's will for some people is a life of singleness—and for them, that is exactly how He is most glorified in their lives.

Why do I need God's help in choosing a mate? Deciding to marry can be a mind-boggling, life-altering choice, and it has deep and lasting spiritual impact. And quite frankly, most of us don't realize what we are getting ourselves into. We need God's help to prepare us for marriage and to help us select the person who will be best for us.

James 1:5 states, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." In this verse, James was writing about the wisdom we need to help us deal with trials in our lives. And certainly, trying to cope with singleness and determining if God wants you to marry a certain person or not could be considered a serious trial!

According to the book of Proverbs, we take a giant step toward being wise when we choose to fear the Lord by showing Him the reverence and honor that is due Him (1:7; 2:1-11).

How does the Holy Spirit guide my choices, thinking, feelings? This is a tricky subject simply because we are talking about less-than-objective information. Even though the New Testament contains several examples of how the Holy Spirit can lead through inner impressions (Acts 8:29; 11:28; 13:2; 21:11; 1 Cor. 14:30), separating our subjective feelings or urges from the voice of the Spirit is not always an easy thing to do. We can be sure that the Spirit would never violate the clear commands of the Bible.

The Spirit would never tell us to choose to marry an unbeliever, nor would He lead us to marry for money, nor would He guide us to marry in conflict with the principles of wisdom (see "Use Wisdom"). The Holy Spirit will guide you as you study the Bible, and He will give you sensitivity to what is right or wrong about a relationship. The inner promptings of the Spirit will be consistent with the truth and godly wisdom.

How should we pray for God to lead us to a husband or a wife? Often and long! God is intimately interested in hearing your requests concerning this matter. As you bring your requests before Him and submit yourself to His direction, you can be sure that He will give you nothing but what He wants for you (Ps. 37:4; Mt. 7:7-12).

Thinking It Over. On a scale of 1 to 10, where would you rate your level of trust in the Lord? Have you spent time praying about who you will marry? Are you living in obedience to God and growing in your relationship with Jesus Christ? Have you learned the secret of contentment, whether you are married or not? (Phil. 4:11-13).





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