Oil and water do not mix. A mouse and a boa constrictor would not make the best of friends. A person with a paralyzing fear of heights would not be a wise choice as a climbing partner to scale the slopes of Mount Everest. A radical communist would not be a good political running mate for a committed capitalist. A huskie and a dachshund would not work well together as sled dogs in the Alaskan wilderness. And a follower of Christ would not make a good marriage match with a nonbeliever.

Why the fuss over whether or not my spouse is a believer? Nothing should be more important to you or to the person you marry than your spiritual well-being. Abraham knew that. He had his servant travel a great distance (over 400 miles) to find a spiritually compatible bride for his son. It wasn't simply that he was a protective and controlling father—he knew the lasting significance of marriage. Genesis 24 helps us to understand why.

Abraham gave his servant (probably his faithful old servant, Eliezer, mentioned in 15:2) these strict orders: "You will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell; but you shall go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac" (vv.3-4). The Canaanites were notorious idolaters of the basest kind. Their gods and goddesses promoted worship that included human sacrifices and fertility rites with perverse sex.

Who are today's Canaanites? Okay, so maybe the person you've been dating doesn't go to a church that promotes human sacrifices or sexual rituals and doesn't worship fertility gods. The issue, though, is who he is worshiping. Does the person in whom you have a romantic interest know Jesus Christ as Savior? And is that person living for Him? Modern-day Canaanites are not always so obviously pagan. They can appear religious in a positive sense, but being religious is not enough.

Second Corinthians 6:14-15 states, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?" (NIV). When the apostle Paul wrote those words, he was not speaking specifically of marriage, but the principle certainly applies. A person who puts his faith in Christ is born again (Jn. 3:3-16), and "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation" (2 Cor. 5:17). Such a radical transformation of our inner spiritual being should have a profound impact on our priorities, our goals, our lifestyles, and our relationships.

First Corinthians 7:39 indicates that a widow, if she chooses to remarry, should marry a man who is "in the Lord." He must be a believer, a person who lives by faith in Jesus Christ. It makes sense that this applies not only to widows but to anyone who is considering marriage.

So, if you are a believer, the person you marry must be a believer too. Look for a person who knows Christ as Savior, and who gives evidence of spiritual growth.

What could go wrong if I don't marry someone who is my spiritual equal? Plenty. If you could talk to Moses or to King Solomon, they could tell you of the dangers to both the family and to the community of believers. Moses got the word about this directly from the Lord, and Solomon knew from firsthand experience the terrible results of marrying outside the faith.

The law God gave to Moses contained prohibitions against intermarrying with the pagans of the surrounding nations. Deuteronomy 7:3-4 states, "Nor shall you make marriages with them. . . . For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods."

Even though Solomon knew better, he misused his kingly prerogatives and married all sorts of foreign wives who served idols. As a result, "when Solomon was old, . . . his wives turned his heart after other gods; and his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God" (1 Ki. 11:4). Both Solomon and the whole nation suffered (vv.11-13).

Throughout Israel's history, when the people married unbelieving pagans, there was a profound, negative influence on the Israelites. Even after their punishment at the hands of foreign armies, the Jews who returned to Jerusalem had to be rebuked by both Ezra and Nehemiah (Ezra 910; Neh. 13:23-27), and later by Malachi (2:11-12). Love, lust, and circumstances blinded them to what they knew was right and wrong.

We must be on guard against the temptation to overlook this most basic issue of spiritual compatibility. Just because the other person is "gorgeous," "a hunk," "kind and considerate," or seems to be "genuinely in love with me," don't allow feelings to lead you to trample on your relationship with the Lord.

Even though the apostles Paul and Peter spoke of the possibility of winning an unbelieving spouse to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:12-16; 1 Pet. 3:1-2), that does not mean we should go into marriage knowing we are spiritually incompatible. A believer who marries an unbeliever may be facing a lifetime of spiritual unrest in the marriage and a battle for the spiritual well-being of their children.

Thinking It Over. Why do some Christians choose to marry an unbeliever even though they know it's not right? What areas of conflict could develop in a marriage if the two are not believers? What effect could this type of marriage have on the faith of their children as they grow up?





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