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Building Block Nine: Tender Respect
Sometimes marital partners are like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
In public they are considerate, forgiving, patient, and sweet-tempered.
But once they are behind the closed doors of their own home,
they turn ill-tempered, surly, and unforgiving. Their mates
only wish they could be treated the way their partner treats
others.
In Ephesians 4:31-32 the apostle Paul wrote:
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking
be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one
another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God
in Christ also forgave you.
This passage certainly applies to husbands and wives in a
marriage relationship. Speaking to wives, Paul said, “Let
the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph. 5:33).
Peter told wives to be submissive to their husbands and even
to pattern their behavior after Sarah, who “obeyed Abraham,
calling him lord” (1 Pet. 3:1,5-6)—a picture of her respect
for him.
Peter then spoke to husbands in verse 7 and advocated that
they respect their wives as well. He gave three instructions:
1. “Dwell with [your wife] with understanding.” He
was saying, “Know your wife well so that you can respect her
feelings.” A husband needs to make this his goal. He should
know what pleases and comforts her, and also what hurts and
angers her. This special understanding can then be used in
building her up rather than tearing her down.
2. “Giving honor . . . as to the weaker vessel.” If
a man is going to move five containers and he knows one of
them is more fragile than the others, he will handle that
one more carefully. This is how a husband should treat his
wife. He should give her special honor and respect. Husband,
buy your wife gifts, send her flowers, remember her birthday,
take her special places.
3. “As being heirs together of the grace of life.”
The gifts of life are not only the husband’s to enjoy. They
are given by God equally to both, and they should be shared
together. A man must respect his wife and not rob the joy
of life God created her to have.
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