Building Block Eight: Open Communication

In a survey taken a few years ago, the Family Services Association discovered that 87 percent of husbands and wives interviewed said that the main problem in their marriages was communication. The percentage would probably be the same in Christian marriages. The wife is frustrated because she can’t get her husband to talk. The husband doesn’t feel it does any good because his wife has already made up her mind anyway.

Here are some of the reasons husbands and wives do not communicate effectively:

	They take each other for granted.
	They want to avoid a confrontation.
	They are obsessed with their own interests.
	They feel that they are being manipulated.
	They are too hurried to take the time.
	They don’t want to hurt the other person.

For a marriage to be strong, however, the barriers to communication must be broken down. And one way to accomplish that is to follow the example of Christ. You will remember that husbands were instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Two aspects of the Savior’s relationship to the church could be applied to marriage.

Christ Is The Great Communicator He is the living Word of God (Jn. 1:1-4). He came to make God known by word and by example. He revealed the will and character of God to man.

Christ is also involved in a continuing process of communicating with the church. He is seated in heaven, inviting us to “come boldly to the throne of grace” (Heb. 4:16) to tell God what is on our hearts and to let Him know our needs.

How can Christ’s example of communication with His church apply to a marriage?

	Husbands need to talk to their wives.
	Wives need to talk to their husbands.
	Both should feel free to respond honestly.
	Every problem should be talked through.
	Opportunities for talking should be valued.

Without open and healthy communication, it will be hard for a marriage to be successful.

Christ Is The Head Colossians 1:18 says that Christ is “the head of the body, the church.” A head must be in touch with all parts of the body for it to function smoothly. Through the nervous system, it sends and receives information. It tells the finger when to move; it is told when the finger feels pain. If communication is missing, the body cannot function as one.

The same is true of a marriage. The man, as head of the home, needs to communicate with his wife. And she in turn needs to be free to communicate with him. Unless there is two-way communication, as between Christ and His own, the marriage will experience difficulty.

Psychologist Paul Tournier made this observation about marital communication:

No doubt they [a husband and wife] do talk about everything, but it is all objective, all about facts and ideas, which is what a man is interested in. For a woman, real dialogue means talking about her feelings—her own feelings. But even more importantly, about her husband’s feelings, which she wants to understand, but which he does not know how to explain (“Listening To Her,” Family Life Today, Nov. 1982, p.26).

	Tell of your need to communicate.
	Don’t rehash old conversations.
	Start on the fact level.
	Move on to the feeling and conviction levels.