Building Block Five: Unreserved Love

The fifth building block for a strong marriage is love—genuine, heartfelt, through-thick-and-thin, till-death-us-do-part love. A husband and wife are to love each other with the kind of unreserved love that leads them to honor each other, to esteem each other, to consider each other’s welfare above their own, and to stay by each other’s side through the highs and lows and the ups and downs that come in every married life.

The husband was told specifically in the Bible to love his wife. Paul said it succinctly in Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives” (see also Eph. 5:25).

The wife also is expected to love her husband. You will remember, for example, that the older women of Crete were told to instruct the younger women to “love their husbands” (Ti. 2:4).

The love between a husband and wife that grows through the years of marriage does not happen automatically with the saying of the vows or the giving of a ring. It must be worked at! True, many wonderful and deep feelings are experienced by a couple who court, fall in love, and marry. As time goes on, however, they learn that love has a deeper and more practical dimension than the romantic aspect. They discover that they have to work at loving each other.

The biblical pattern for Christian love is spelled out in 1 Corinthians 13. Although the love defined in these familiar verses is true of all relationships, it may be especially applied to marriage. Think about the practical ways the elements of love seen in verses 4-8 apply to a husband/wife relationship:

	love is patient, enduring his absentmindedness over and over again.
	love is kind, helping with the housework when she’s had a hard day.
	love does not envy his important position at work or the praise she gets for her kindness.
	love does not boast about getting the bigger paycheck or making fewer mistakes.
	love is not proud but admits that she may be right about what’s wrong with the car.
	love is not rude, for it speaks to her respectfully in private as well as in public.
	love is not self-seeking, but it looks for an opportunity to be of help to the other.
	love is not easily angered and doesn’t even raise its voice when she does.
	love keeps no record of wrongs and doesn’t raise issues when it’s time to move on.
	love does not delight in evil and does not pressure the partner into wrong behavior.
	love rejoices with the truth by facing reality and changing accordingly.
	love always protects, without resorting to bitter, sarcastic criticism.
	love always trusts, believing that our real security is in the Lord.
	love always hopes, holding to the shared dreams when his job is phased out.
	love always perseveres, growing even stronger in adversity and stress.
	love never fails, though youth, health, and vigor fade away.

“But wait a minute,” you say. “I’m doing my part, but my partner is not doing his. Do you expect me to keep loving him when he doesn’t love me in return?”

Disillusioned husband or wife, this love can change your life. It may not change your mate, but it will give him every reason to realize that you are still there for him. These principles of love aren’t given just to make marriage work. They are given to us by a wise heavenly Father who, above all, wants us to be in right relationship to Him.

Yes, it’s hard to love when all the love seems to be flowing one way. It’s hard when you’re the only one doing the giving, the sacrificing, the holding on. It’s hard when your partner’s ego or pride or selfishness keeps your love from being returned. You’ve tried talking about it but nothing happens. You’re ready to throw in the towel.

If you’re thinking like that, it might help you to think about the Lord Jesus suffering for us. If anyone ever had a reason to stop loving, He did. But He loved us without reservation, even to the point of dying on the cross in our behalf. That is the kind of love we are to have.