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Building Block Four: Well-Defined Roles
Today’s society has made an all-out assault on marriage. And
one of its attacks is on the traditional roles within the
family. The wife is being told that since she has the same
rights as her husband, she doesn’t have to submit to anybody.
Pressure is being put on the husband to take care of himself
and not to worry about her. As a result, husbands and wives
need direction. They need answers to basic questions about
their specific roles.
Those answers are found in the Bible. And when they are expressed
in love, they reflect the wisdom of God.
The Husband’s Role. The Bible says that the husband
is the head of the wife. Paul wrote:
I want you to know that the head of every . . . woman is man,
and the head of Christ is God (1 Cor. 11:3).
The husband is head of the wife (Eph. 5:23).
While this principle is one of the most misquoted and misused
principles in Scripture, it doesn’t need to be. Biblical leadership
is not dictatorial or blindly self-serving. Before God, this
headship is:
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to
be provided in love (Eph. 5:25; Col. 3:19). |
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to
follow the example of Christ’s love for the church (Eph.
5:25). |
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to
be done with understanding (1 Pet. 3:7). |
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to
be done without bitterness (Col. 3:19). |
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to
equal his love for his own body (Eph. 5:28). |
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Marital headship does not mean that the husband is superior.
The same verse that says the man is head of the woman also says
that God is the head of Christ (1 Cor. 11:3). And we know They
are equal in nature. Both are fully God.
The husband’s headship is functional. It helps the marriage
work. When understood and expressed in the spirit of Christ,
it provides a servant role. Headship carries with it great responsibility.
The husband is to provide loving, understanding, self-sacrificing,
patient, God-honoring leadership.
The Wife’s Role. The woman is instructed in the Bible
to submit thoughtfully and wisely to the leadership of her husband:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord
(Eph. 5:22; cp. Col. 3:18).
Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands (1
Pet. 3:1).
Admonish the young women . . . to be . . . obedient to their
own husbands (Ti. 2:4-5).
God made man and woman to come together in a fulfilling, satisfying
relationship. He made Adam first (1 Tim. 2:13), and He made
him to be head (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23). Adam was to use his
physical strength and his spiritual responsibilities for the
good of Eve; Eve was to be ready to help Adam fulfill his God-given
role and responsibilities (Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:8-9).
A woman who does not find joy in helping a man provide loving,
thoughtful leadership in the home is doing so to her own harm.
Even though she might find it difficult to accept even good
initiatives from her husband, she needs to show that her ultimate
confidence and trust is in God Himself.
Marriage has its best opportunity when both husband and wife
accept their roles. It’s a functional necessity—a necessity
exemplified within the Godhead itself. Consider these words
of Christ: “My Father is greater than I” (Jn. 14:28). Yet He
also said, “I and My Father are one” (Jn. 10:30).
Jesus came to earth to carry out in exact detail the will and
plan of the Father. Although He was equal to the Father, He
submitted Himself to the Father’s leading.
This relationship within the Godhead is the pattern that provides
a background for understanding heaven’s pattern for marriage.
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