Five Facts About Marriage

Pastors and marriage counselors repeatedly hear husbands and wives make statements that are not true. Here are five facts about marriage that are often disputed by marital partners under stress.

1. You aren’t married to the wrong person
Sometimes it doesn’t take very long before the wife begins to wonder if she married the right guy, or the husband begins to think he made a mistake. This often happens in that period of adjustment while idealistic expectations for marriage are being brought into line with reality.

	You find out she hates to cook
	You find out he has no mechanical ability
	You each learn that the other can be stubborn, easily hurt, depressed, or angry
	You have different views about finances

So you begin to tell yourself that you married the wrong person. But that’s no longer an issue. You made a lifelong commitment. Now your responsibility before God, except in extreme cases of unfaithfulness, is to stay with the one you have married (Mt. 19:4-9; 1 Cor. 7:10-14).

2. His failure to lead isn’t your excuse
“Well,” the young woman said emphatically, “if he would only lead the way he’s supposed to, we could work things out. But he won’t, so I have to make the decisions. Then he criticizes them. I can’t stand it any longer.”

She’s right about one thing. Her husband should be taking more loving, thoughtful initiative. He should be taking the lead, especially in spiritual matters.

Even so, his failure to lead is no excuse for her disobedience. Her responsibility before the Lord still calls for her to be a loving, spiritual woman of growing inner beauty (1 Pet. 3:1-6). If she uses what she sees as his failure to lead as an excuse for her own poor behavior, she is failing every bit as much as he is.

3. Her failure to submit isn’t your excuse
Some husbands have a built-in excuse for every shortcoming or failure—they blame their wives.

	“She’s always so pious. She corrects me every time I try to lead family devotions. It’s her fault we don’t have them anymore.”
	“She had to have this house. I went ahead with it because I knew it would please her. It’s her fault we’re having financial trouble.”

When a man starts talking like this, he’s refusing to accept his own responsibility in the family decision-making process. True, she did provide input. Perhaps she was insistent. But that’s not your excuse. You have to stop blaming her and begin to do what’s right before God.

4. Sex isn’t all he thinks about
Sometimes a hard-working, busy wife begins to think that all her husband is interested in is having his sexual desires met. This perception may become especially pronounced if any of the following circumstances are true:

	He spends too much time in his work
	She doesn’t have his help around the house
	He ignores the needs of the children
	Their schedule is full

While it’s true that he may need an honest reminder that his wife barely has the energy to keep up with her work, it also may be true that she sometimes doesn’t bother with her husband’s sexual interest. In many cases, both need to do some adjusting. She needs to give him the benefit of the doubt and also talk to him about her needs. Some couples need to plan a regular evening together or, if finances allow, a few days away without the children.

5. Appearance isn’t all she thinks about
A fifth fact about marriage is that many women do think about more than aesthetics. But some husbands don’t believe it. They argue:

	“She always wants to buy something new for the house.”
	“It takes her too long to pick out a dress.”
	“She insists that the kitchen cupboards need restaining. They look fine to me!”
	“It takes her forever to get ready to go anywhere. And then we’re always late!”
	“She loves to shop and spend my hard-earned money on little knickknacks and doodads.”

It’s true that many women are more interested in appearances than their husbands. And Peter did speak bluntly to women about the danger of putting too much emphasis on looking good on the outside when they should be paying attention to the “hidden person of the heart” (1 Pet. 3:4).

But let’s face it, men. We do need our wives to help us. Some of us are slobs. If we’re honest, we’ll admit we’re glad for their attention to detail.