We offer the following communication from several husbands and wives who have “brought up” some things they have yet to tell their spouses. Perhaps their willingness to be honest will encourage you to do the same.
First, wives were asked to complete this sentence, “In regards to sex, if I could, I would tell my husband to stop. . .”
- wanting sex every night.
- turning me down when I want sex.
- talking about sex and just love me.
- thinking I want sex all the time.
- overworking, and using all your energy before you get to me.
- getting up after sex and leaving me alone in the bedroom.
- criticizing me and my ability to satisfy him.
- asking me to “do it” in the when the kids are around.
- being so rough.
- looking at pornography.
- wanting to “play” at 10:30 at night when I’m exhausted.
- trying to change me.
- wanting sex in the morning before I’m ready to get up.
- womanizing and committing adultery.
- going to sleep so quickly.
- expecting things I don’t want to do.
- waiting until bedtime to recognize I’m a beautiful, desirable woman.
- making sex my job, instead of a romantic connection.
- treating me with harshness and anger when I say no.
- making me play fantasy games and making up stories.
The wives were also asked to complete this sentence, “I would tell my husband to start…”
- allowing me to say no when I don’t want to have sex.
- caressing me because he loves me, not as a precursor to sex.
- treating me special, not like a porn queen.
- cuddling more.
- initiating more sex.
- giving more compliments and nonsexual affection.
- be more loving and affectionate on the days he doesn’t want sex.
- hugging and talking more.
- giving more time for hugs and kisses leading up to sex.
- coming to bed earlier.
- spending time to make me feel like it’s me he wants.
- working harder on fresh breath and a cleaner body.
- treating me like a human with feelings.
- remembering what I like and don’t like.
- don’t be in such a hurry.
- taking care of his body, eating right.
- being more aggressive and romantic.
- telling me he loves me, rather than assuming I know it.
- talking to me and showing an interest in what I think is important.
- holding me, kissing me, touching me without worrying about whether he will be able to reach orgasm or not.
While the women were very willing to share their thoughts, the men were a bit less eager to do the same. Regardless of the inhibited and abbreviated nature of their answers, the men responded by completing the same sentences. “If I could, I’d tell my wife to stop…”
Continued… Read Part Two
Excerpt from Hot Topics for Couples, by Steve and Annie Chapman.
Copyright © 2010 by Steve and Annie Chapman, published by Harvest House, used with permission. All rights reserved.