The Christian Marriage Bed
"If both partners agree, is anything taboo?" "What
about the use of vibrators?" "Is oral sex okay?"
But at the heart of each of these questions were two concerns: What
does God prohibit in the sexual relationship between a husband and
wife, and what does God permit?
we reviewed our list it became apparent that God gives tremendous
sexual freedom within the marriage relationship. But God also sets
forth some prohibitions that we must honor.
God leaves much in our sexual relationship up to our discretion.
In all likelihood, the questions tugging at the back of your mind
were not even touched upon. A friend commented, "It's helpful
to know what God says is wrong, but I still sometimes wonder if
what my husband and I are doing is right. We have a great time together
in bed, but every now and then, this nagging doubt comes
does God approve?"
Dr. Douglas Rosenau believes Scripture is silent on the topic of
oral sex. "This does not make it right or wrong," he says.
A key emphasis in the New Testament is Christian liberty. Nothing
is unclean in itself, says Paul (Romans 14:14), and this presumably
includes sexual variety. Lewis Smedes, professor of theology at
Fuller Seminary, amplifies Paul's statement about nothing being
Christian liberty sets us free from culturally invented "moral"
taboos; and since there is no rule from heaven, it is likely that
the only restraint is the feeling of the other person. For example,
if one partner has guilt feelings about oral sex play, the Christian
response of the other will be to honor the partner until they adjust
their feelings. On the other hand, if the partner has only aesthetic
reservations, and if these are rooted in some fixed idea that sex
is little more than a necessary evil anyway, they have an obligation
to be taught, tenderly and lovingly, of the joys of sex in the freedom
Before we go any further, let us clarify our intent. Are we suggesting
you incorporate oral sex into your love play? No. We are not making
recommendations. Instead, our purpose is to set out for you what
Scripture prohibits and to encourage you to seek God's wisdom concerning
His personal recommendations for your marriage.
Each couple is different. Each husband and wife is unique. Because
Scripture is either silent - or veiled concerning this practice,
the only way to discover what God allows for you is for you to ask
Him. If you've never talked to God about your sexual relationship,
now is a good time to start.
You will not shock God. Remember, sex was His idea. God is a God
of wisdom (Daniel 2:20). He promises that when we lack wisdom, if
we ask Him, He will give it to us (James 1:5).
- As you seek God's wisdom, you might find it helpful
to ask these three questions about any sexual practice
you and your husband are considering:
- Is it prohibited in Scripture? If not, we may assume
it is permitted. "Everything is permissible for me,"
(1 Corinthians 6:12, NIV).
- Is it beneficial? Does the practice in any way harm
the husband or wife or hinder the sexual relationship?
If so, it should be rejected. "Everything is permissible
for me - but not everything is beneficial." (1 Corinthians
- Does it involve anyone else? Sexual activity is sanctioned
by God for husband and wife only. If a sexual practice
involves someone else or becomes public, it is wrong based
on Hebrews 13:4, which warns us to keep the marriage bed