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Boundaries In Marriage
People have a need to be in control of their own lives, and they
have a need to know that God is behind that idea.
 This
need is fundamental in the creation of mankind, according to the
Bible. God created us to be free, and to act responsibly with our
freedom. He wanted us to be in control of ourselves, and to have
a good existence. He was behind that idea all along. But as we all
know, we misused our freedom and as a result, lost it. And the big
fruit of this loss of freedom was the loss of self-control.
It is no wonder why the need for Boundaries was felt so deeply.
It talked about something so dear to the heart of God that He says
it was one of the motivators for the sacrifice of Christ Himself:
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm,
then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
(Gal. 5:1) Jesus died to set us free: from sin, from the devil,
from the world around us. And that is the essence of what Boundaries
teach —freedom.
With the freedom that Christ has given you, you have to be responsible
for your life and existence. This means that in all areas of your
life, you are accountable.
In order to take responsibility for our lives, we must own what
is ours. In order to gain control of our feelings, behaviors, choices
and the like, we must first realize that they are ours and no one
else's. They reside in our own souls, so the ownership implies the
responsibility.
Ownership then leads to control. If you own a property, then you
control it. It is under your domain. No one else, for example, can
tell you what wallpaper to hang in your house, if you own it. You
control that decision. It is the same for the elements listed above
in your own soul. You control, or need to gain control of that entire
list: feelings, attitudes, etc. That is what essentially fulfills
freedom: regaining control.
This is the big payoff for freedom, and the reason that Boundaries
was such good news to people. God is behind the idea of your being
in control of your own life! He does not want anyone else controlling
you, your feelings, your attitudes, your thoughts, or any other
aspect of your life. He wants you in control of yourself so that
you can freely submit that life to Him. As a result, you get the
life that is in Him, and that is the best life possible. Self-control
is the fruit of realizing the freedom that boundaries delineate.
Many people think that boundaries are about selfishness and are
at their root, self-serving. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Boundaries are about freedom, and freedom is always meant to have
as its ultimate fruit, love.
Boundaries are about God's restoring freedom to you and me so that
we could take control of our lives to be able to love Him and others.
Ultimately, that is the fruit of boundaries, to love our of freedom,
and with purpose.
Henry Cloud
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