Young Marriage in Serious Trouble

Unhappily_Married · Newbie Joined: 14 Jul 2006 Posts: 1

Hi, my name is Jana and I'm 22 yrs old. My situation is an interesting one, I've been with my husband for almost 5 yrs but only married for 18 months. We have two young children a 3 yr old boy and a 6 month old little girl.

We did the long distance thing for a little while because of work and other stuff and while we were apart I got him cheating on my emotionally with a secret email account. We got counselling and I thought everything was ok. 2 months after he asked me to marry him (I said yes) I found out that we had a live in girlfriend (who he swears he never slept with) and I forgave him and we got married anyway. Now those emotional affairs (and I believe physical as well) have turned into a serious porn addiction and no matter how much I tell him it bothers me, plead with him to stop and cry with him about how it makes me feel he refuses to get help. I'm pretty sure he's seeing someone on the side, and I dont know what to do about it. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering where he is when he goes to town for 4 hours on his own. I hate that the kids see us fight, and I don't know what to do. Every part of me screams 'just take the kids and leave' but I know that isn't the right or christian way to deal with it. I need advice and lots of prayer.

Thanks

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1950 Location: Chicago

Welcome to GT. I'm so glad you've come here to share your struggles. This is not an easy place to be especially with small children. Do you have a church home that you can go to for help and counsel? Do you think your husband may be willing to go with you? If not, it would still be important to seek guidance, help and support for yourself and your children.

Unfortunately, pornography is very prevalent even with Christian men and it is so easily accessible. It can very easily become an addiction and that may very well be what your husband is dealing with.

If he is disappearing from your home for several hours at a time and will not answer his cell phone, then there are issues of trust and obligation to you and the children that need to also be discussed. If he comes back and places the blame squarely on your shoulders and is unwilling to accept responsibility for this family, then he is not leaving you with options.

There are times when separation may be needed. I'm not a huge advocate of it, but if it is well planned out with a third party and counseling is taking place with a plan for eventual reconciliation, then there is a purpose. Usually leaving for the sake of leaving is a percursor to divorce. If you know without a doubt your husband is being unfaithful, then you have an obligation to yourself and your body.

Many times guys in a young marriage, just don't know how to be married. They have a hard time realizing their needs have to become secondary to the needs of the family and children. Disappearing from the home for several hours at a time can no longer occur.

You mention that he has a serious porn addiction - how is this manifesting itself in your home and marriage and what you see him doing?

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