Wife wants separation and possibly divorce.............help!

greenwidow · Full Member Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 112

Mike, try to honestly be the Guy Friend...

Call, email, or ask your wife in person to go out with you, as a really great friend. Talk about her life. Talk about her needs. Talk about what she wants in life. At this point don't mention your relationship. Don't mention what you need. Listen carefully, ask deep questions that further your understanding of who she is. Know that it is possible that you have not known enough about her over the years. Hug and a kiss on the cheek when the evening is done, good friends can do that...and go home.

No pressure, but know that women are really attracted to men that can listen...

rpys40 · Newbie Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 6

HOWDY,I'am 42 yrs.young and have a situation in my marriage and I'am having a hard time trying to understand this situation I am a christian and I love my wife very much.Some time ago my wife has said that iam not attracted to her that iam attracted to other women then herself and that she does not want to be with me any longer that i should go with the ones that iam attracted to,I have been accused of viewing different women from all ages especialy the slim and good looking ones.A bit of bacground I'am a leader in our church and I do come in contact with the opposite sex many times ,this is part of ministry male and female never behind close doors what I do is open to all.Since this was brought to my attention I did pull back from the oppposite sex,but I still make the small talk ask or share my opppinion I try to avoid long conversation for that reason,but now it has now starting to spread from church to my apppointments,whether DR. or just appointments with opposite sex not that I'm setting these appointments it could be receptiones,cousin ,etc...
Iam getting scared because iAM NOT FEELING COMFORTABLE WHEN i GO TO CHURCH BECAUSE OF BEEING ACCUSED OF IN CHURCH. Last incident I just came from making a altar call and to be accused of checcking out the opposite sex.I understand that this is what I am expressing and there is always her side to I am very open about this and iam getting counseling
We have been married 11 yrs but this is a first for me Iam one to give advice but now i need it........[/i][/b]

greenwidow · Full Member Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 112

RPYS40, I think that you need to have your wife as part of your counseling sessions. If you don't believe that you are "checking out" the opposite sex, then you need to understand what in your behavior makes your wife think you are.

As many women age, they begin to wonder about their ability to attract and hold their husband. Part of it is seeing 20 somethings that are what you were 20 years ago. Part of it is seeing 40 somethings out of Hollywood with unlimited budgets and time for themselves. We compare ourselves to everything around us, think that we aren't making the mark and then our husbands confirm it with something like, "That Catherine Zeta Jones can sure act. Did you know that she is 38, I can't believe it." Insecurity starts to set in...irritability, anger and a guy doesn't know where it comes from.

Every time that your wife accuses you (assuming that you aren't fooling around) she is baiting you for the reply, "No honey, you are the most beautiful woman in the world and I have blinders to everyone else." It's a dangerous game. She wants reaffirmed that you love her, that you find her attractive, that she is the only one that strikes your heart.

It might be that you need to take more time with your wife to let her know how much she means to you. Think about a date night, where you court her. Think about fun activities that can bring you closer. Think about sitting down and praying together for the kind of relationship you both want.

There are dozens of posts here on the forum about what you can do to bring this relationship closer together and sadly there are just as many describing what happens when you don't put the effort in, now.

Good luck and God Bless.

Guest · Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:32 pm Post subject: marriage

thank you for your input.Give you a update today is her birthday and all is good .We do talk about what we feel and what we lack, we both want our marriage to work and we both agree that the devil wants to still kill and destroy what God has joined to gether lately we have fasted for our marriage and have discussions on what we are feeling we both know that we need God in our marrriage Thank you. Please do not take this personal but I'm wondering where are all the men when it comes to marriage .Sam Thank you for your response and helps greatly appreciated .Please continuing praying for us and our marriage the good thing about this is we both want our marrriage to work..........[/b]

rdsmith3 · Full Member Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 274 Location: NJ

proverbs356 · Newbie Joined: 06 Jul 2007 Posts: 14

My husband and I have been separated for over a year. We have both contributed to the horrible state of our marriage. He filed for divorce last year because he believed it was hopeless and we have been in court for over a year now.

I have gone through many seasons in my walk with the Lord since then but I can praise God that He continues to bring me back to seeking Him first. I have read so many books on tough love, boundaries, standing, etc. and all of these sound good but most of all they just tickled my ears with what my flesh wanted to hear. I can say that when I obey God and wait on Him he directs my steps and gives me a sense of peace only He can give. I cannot change my husband or convince him to stop the divorce. He knows Gods word better than most and knows that God hates Divorce but I do not have to preach to him. By doing so I usurp the authority God has put in order. I have been a very contentious women most of my life until about six months ago. So for those of you that have contentious wives, don't lose hope, keep loving them and washing them with the water, GOD CAN AND WILL CHANGE THEM!

Just this week the Lord has reminded me that He is still in control of everything. In my state I don't have to sign the papers but I do have to show up to court. God has placed it on my heart to go and show my husband the Love of God with a meek and quiet spirit. And to show him the grace of God and truly forgive him for his sins and seek forgiveness from him of anything that I have not asked forgiveness for yet. "Love covers a multitude of sins."

I have to obey God no matter how hopeless our marriage looks. I continually mediatate on verses that apply to me as a woman and wife and pray for God to transform me into His Image. As much as I want to do this to have my husband home, I know that it will be short lived if I only do it for my husband. I have to do it for my Lord and Saviour. Nor can I do it for the praise of men, because the Lord knows our hearts.

Last night my husband called out of the blue and told me that the Lord gave him several verses to share with me. (In the past he has used all the verses to beat me over the head with how I am not a godly wife but this was different.) He told me that he wanted to make for peace (for our son). He admitted that he has been really harsh and contentious and asked for forgiveness. (We both agree that seeking forgiveness is more than just saying sorry.) My heart started to melt. I did not have to manipulate or try an control anything. God had changed the heart of "My King". A few hours earlier I had repented of slandering my husband to one of my friends. I also found things to praise the Lord for and sing aloud to my children with the Joy of the Lord. (I don't sing often.)

After praying about How I can glorify God with my life, this is what God showed me that I had to do:

1. I was to FIRST Seek God and His righteousness.

2. Then pray and ask God to transform me into His Image.

3. Choose to be a doer of the Word and not a hearer only

4. Have a humble spirit.

5. Repent of any sin in my life

6. Start building the right foundation for our home

7. Forgive

Pro 16:7 When a man's ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.

rdsmith3 · Full Member Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 274 Location: NJ

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

I know I have to ask myself, constantly, the following questions from the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) - which should be evident in me as a proclaimed follower of Jesus Christ. Very Happy

Am I loving?
Am I joyful?
Am I bringing peace to the situation?
Am I patient??
Am I kind?
Am I gentle?
Am I good?
Am I faithful?
Am I exbiting self-control?

9 times out 10 I am seeking my own way - if I'm honest.

proverbs356 · Newbie Joined: 06 Jul 2007 Posts: 14

well it didn't take long for the enemy to attack me.

After my post the other day I was looking from the mountain top.
Today I stand here feeling really defeated. I feel tricked. My husband says he sincerely wants to pursue peace with me, that he's seeking God and learning to trust God, etc. But that it doesn't change the fact that we are still getting divorced. He just wants to be peaceable for our son.

Please pray that God will fill the void with the Love that my children and I need.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

You know - there is always hope. Even if he goes through with the divorce there is hope. There is hope for reconciliation as long as neither one of you remarries.

proverbs356 · Newbie Joined: 06 Jul 2007 Posts: 14

How easy it is to lose focus on Gods mercy.

I know that when we are not in our prayer closets we start to rely on our own strength.

For all of us that are struggling in our marriages, take a moment to thank the Lord and ask for His grace to sustain us! God is faithful and will never leave us!

lostone · Newbie Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 10

Lately I have been receiving messages linked to an original post I made earlier this year. Sam,had some great advice and I see a common thread through. Trust in God and put your faith in Him but don't ever stop praying or becoming discouraged or lose faith. If you put everything in God's hands and just stepped back and out of the way and let Him work, miracles can happen.

I can't say that I have seen a miracle just yet, but after my wife told me four months ago she finally decided she wanted a divorce, I said ok if that's what you want. I kept praying on it but stopped trying to convince her otherwise. Every time I kept trying to tell her she was making a mistake and arguing about past wrongs, we'd take two steps back in our relationship. Shortly after that, I realized that there was nothing more I could say or do and I turned it all over to God. Denise Jackson's book 'It's All About Him' was very inspirational as my marriage seemed to parallel hers in every respect.

About four weeks ago in the midst of a heated discussion, my wife told me for the first time that she wasn't sure she wanted a divorce. Not sure what made her reconsider but I at least think that God may finally be getting inside her heart. We never have finished that discussion for whatever reason but hopefully will soon. There is a Cursillo coming up at the end of this month that she said a few months ago that she planned on attending (after cancelling the prevoius six times). Maybe God held her off until she was ready and I sure hope she is ready and actually goes this time. That's my request today that you can pray with me that she opens herself to God and gets herself to Cursillo so she can finally let Him into her life and know and feel His many Blessings. If not, I think I need to finally let go because we can never make things work without God at the center of our relationship.

Joblom1 · Junior Member Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 49 Location: Mn.

Hello- Have been reading thru all the posts. I do get encouragement from all the advice. HYave finished reading the book "Every Heart Restored", it is a good source. But it does come down to being the wife God has called me to be. I have prayed for my husband to come to me with answers to my ?? and he has told me that he is trying to remember everything and will tell me all. I know I have to step back and let God do His work in My husbands life. I have many days when I just do not have the strengthen to stay. I guess you just feel so betrayed that someone you love can do something so hurtful. But then I know that I will have let the devil win. Sometimes my mind plays with me and I think maybe he really is supposed to be with this other woman-as they had loved each other since high school. Ther are days I feel out of place even in my own home. Cord does tell he loves me, but sometimes it is not often enough. It is almost like I have to ask him. I know I have to be in prayer constantly, or I get really down and sad. Thanks for listening. Jo-jo

hurting · Newbie Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1

hello Mike,
I have been reading every post, I am sort of on the same boat as you, can you give us a status update?

Thanks

broken2peices · Newbie Joined: 06 Jan 2007 Posts: 16

Once you have accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior you will then be filled with The Holy Spirit and he will guide you as you yield your life to him. God loves you and wants you to love Him in return. That is why you are this crossroad. He is looking for you to accept Him, and His will for your life; or reject him and continue to live apart from Him.

YOU CAN BE SAVED AND KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ACTS 16:30-31 "Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe on the Lord and thou shalt be saved."

John 3:36 "He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life; and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him."

1st John 5:13 "These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life; and that ye believe on the name of the Son of God."

1. Realize you are a sinner,.....

Romans 3:10 "As it is written, There is none righteous,no,not one."

Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God."

Isaiah 53:6 "All we like sheep have gone astray;we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him(Jesus)the iniquity of us all.:

Ist John 1:8,10 "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not is us."

"If we say that we have not sinned, we make him (God) a liar, and his word is not in us."

2. The PENALTY for SIN is DEATH and HELL

Romans 5:12 "Wherefore , as by one man (Adam) sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned."

Revelation 21:8 "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and the liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

Luke 16:23 "And in hell be lift up his eyes, being in torments...."

3. JESUS died to pay for our sins.

John 3:16 " For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him (Jesus) should not perish but have everlasting life."

Romans 5:8,9 "But God commendeth (Proved) his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.

2nd Corinthians 5:21 "For he (God) hath mad him (Jesus) to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him."

4. Jesus invites you to be saved today

Revelation 3:20 "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."

John 1: 11-12 "He (Jesus) came unto his own, and his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he the power to become sons of God, even to them that believe on his name."

Ist John 5:11-12 "And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in the Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life."

Romans 10:9,10,13 "That is thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."
"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."

REVIEW...
1. ALL HAVE SINNED
2. THE PENALTY FOR SIN IS DEATH AND HELL
3. JESUS DIED TO PAY FOR OUR SIN
4. JESUS INVITES YOU TO BE SAVED TODAY

Simply pray...Lord, I confess that I am a guilty sinner and that I need to be saved. I believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay my sin debt. Please forgive my sins, come into my heart, and save my soul.

Done......Now if you have done this and believe with all of your heart scripture says Romans 12:11 "For the scripture saith, whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed."

Matthew 10:32 "Whosoever shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven."

YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED FOR YOUR DECISION AND I WOULD LIKE TO REJOICE WITH YOU AS WOULD MY PASTOR AND YOUR FELLOW BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST. WHEN YOU GET SAVED YOU ARE BORN INTO A NEW FAMILY AND WHERE'RE YOU GO< WHATEVER COUNTRY< STATE< CITY YOU HAVE FELLOWSHIP. MY PASTOR WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU FIND A CHURCH THAT YOU CAN GROW IN CHRIST WITH. LET US KNOW ABOUT YOUR DECISION SO WE CAN HELP YOU TAKE THE NEXT STEP. BAPTISM......

Let me make it clear that your salvation cannot be based on the what you want to do to get your wife/husband back. You have to base this decision on your realization that you are lost, dying and going to hell without a savior. He will know your heart for he knows all things. Once you have made the most important decision (to have life) you can get busy on learning what he wants you to do to obey Him and restore your marriage. Please KNOW that regardless of what your wife/husband wants or regardless of what it seems like is going to happen, once you place God first and He is able to work in your life he CAN AND WILL Restore your MARRIAGE. Marriage is not just between you and your wife he was part of those vows. He hates divorce if you are willing to put him first he will heal your land(YOUR HOME).....

2nd Chronicles 7:14 "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their ways; then will I hear from haven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

There is a book I want you to get it is called "Love Life for Every Married Couple." written by Ed Wheat, M.D. This book, chapter 15, is called "Saving your Marriage Alone." I am living this chapter now, and I am in the middle of a divorce now, but the Lord is working diligently on my husbands heart. There is not going to be a divorce!

Now, There is a book that has three of his books in one called "Staying in Love for a Lifetime." It has "Love Life for Every Married Couple." in it as well as "The First years are Forever" and "Secret Choices" .....I recommend this book if you have the funds to get it, it will be the second best investment you ever make next to The King James Version of the Bible...;o)

Ok so why believe me? Why listen to someone who can't spell PEICES> (username typo...) ;o)

I am a living testimony of HIS GRACE........HIS LOVE.....HIS PEACE......HIS JOY.........HIS HOPE.....HIS FAITH....... Let Him help you today! I urge you to do it....Your way has failed, her way has failed, do not give up until you try the Lords way.....

May the Lord richly bless you and your future with Him......

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