Beautimus
Newbie
Joined: 05 Aug 2006
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 10:15 am Post subject: When to let go of the one you love. Completely! Let God! |
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Hi, I am 29 and was celebant from the age of 19 to 27. I met a guy and fell in love. I chose to sleep with him. He despises the name Jesus and Jesus is my hope. He is from Russia, so because of world war 2 He has major issues with the name Jesus and because of my past I have had issues concerning drugs, porno and perverted sayings. However since I have been dating this man for a little over 2 yrs and he is 23 by the way. I have began smoking, have smoked weed and have drank and having sex with him. The 2 habits that I have been unable to control is sex and smoking cigarettes. I am not proud however I know Gods grace and love is unchanging. Throughout our time together he has shown love to me in how I now know has been to the best of his ability. I have not always been happy with our relationship because I feel like I have fallen waek and compromised myself to much for us. I do not feel that I can blame him for my unhappines, but I believe he is tired of feeling not accepted by me. I honestly do not desire to be with someone who watches porno, smokes weed and see's nothing wrong with it. However I fell in love with him, but feel that I have been trying to get him to show love to me the way I need it and He says himself that he is not intuitive enough to meet my needs. Atleast he is being honest. By me not truly accepting him for him has been interferring with our relationship. Aside from the fact that he has a very controlling personality, which I believe comes from him growing up in Russia and some of my insecurities show forth from him criticizing me alot and making jokes about my titties being little and will turn around and point out the big titties on another woman and compliment them. I tell hime that it hurtas my feelings and that I do not understand the purpose of hime saying these things and he says that he is just joking. As you see though, if I had been relying apon God and seeking God more, I may not be experiencing this, however I am. I do desire God's will, the holy spirit does speak to me and show me truth.
However I feel so clouded by emotions that it is hard most of the time for me to see truth in all this. There has been alot of Drama on both our parts.
I broke things off recently and want to stick to it. In the past I asked if he would read the book "Men are from mars, Women are from venus". As far as I know he is has not read any of it and I told him that it was important to me. He shared before that he see's how controlling he is and how mean he can be to me, but says he can't controllit. I understand that, because before I knew the Lord personally, it was impossible for me to even recognize my behaviour let along control it.
I sent him a letter today and told him of all the things I did in the past to him that were unhealthy reactions base opon my own fears and told him that I did not understand why he says some of the things he says, but that they hurt. Also, I cannot make him see his part and I gues that is what I have trouble letting go of. Is accepting that he may not be ready or willing to look at himself, because sometimes I feel that I am the only one that is trying to truly fight for this relationship, yet I break up eith him when it becomes to complicated or I do not feel considered or respected by him. He treats others differently than me and that hurts me, then it turns into anger. WhenI try to share it with him, he appears as though he has no idea where I am getting these things from. I do not want to live as a victim, I lived that before and do not want to go back there where God brought me away from.
Please respond with truth. |
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