What Happened??

Chev702 · Newbie Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 2

I Don't Understand What Happened To My Marriage.I Have Been Married To The Love Of My Life For 20 Years.She Decided She Wants To Find Herself She Is Turning 40.She Filed And Signed The Papers For Divorce. We Are Seperated In Different Houses. She Has 2 children I Have 1. Me And The Kids Are So Sad Over This We Pray Everynight That God Will Change her Mind But It Is Very Doubtful. There Is Just No Answer For This. We Was Blessed With A Son 2 years Ago.Without Any Warning She Comes To Me With Divorce papers. I Was Shocked And I Think I Am Still In Shock. She Has Choose Her Mom And Step Dad, Step Sister To Take My Place. She Is With Them Every Single Day.Before They Never Was In Our Life We Barely Knew Them Now I Have Been Replaced.They Are Giving Money Not Love And Advise That Isn't In My Favor To Her. I Got to Church She Doesn't We Have Went Together But When The Minister Told Her Is Isn't God"s Plan To Just Get A Divorce She Quit Going. We Still Sometimes Sleep Together(Sex) And Eat. I Try Anything To Just Get Her To Act like My Wife Again But Nothing Is Working She Isn't Doing Very Well On Her Own. All The Kids Want To Stay With Me. She Is Kinda like Letting Go Of The Kids Aswell. I Don't Know What To Do. I Am Sad, Lonely, Feel Betrayed.Feel Everything Is Lost. My Hopes, Plans, Dreams, Everything I Worked For Or Built For 20 Years Is Gone. I Am The Type Of Guy That Worked For My Family And It Is Now Gone, I Don't Drink, Go To Bars, Smoke, Or Chase Women I Was A Father And A Good Husband What Happened?? She Claims She Still Loves Me Very Much But Don't Want To Live With Me. She Wants Her Freedom. Everybody In Her Side Of The Family Is Divorced So I Can See How The Advise Is Going. I Need Help In Coping With This.How Can We Have Sex, Talk Everyday, Eat Tohgether Live Life Like Married people But Get Divorced? She Is Being Pretty Mean Recently Or Cruel Towards Me Like She Is Tough Or Something. Her Mom And Step Day Even Went As Far As To Cash In Their 401K To Get Money To Fund The Divorce And Took Her And The Kids On A Trip To Las Vegas. Bought Her Alot Of New Stuff. Why Would People Do That Purposely Break You A Happy Home With Kids.?? I Dunno I Am Just Beat To Death Trying To Figure This Out.Anybody Got Any Insight. Some Say She Might Be Cheating?? I Dunno She Got A Cell Phone Which Is Attached To Her Hip And Nobody Can See It. But I Can't Tell Anymore, I Trusted Her With The Marriage And I Never Saw This Comming Either. HELP!!!

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

I am so sorry for your circumstances. We are glad you have posted here and are willing to share what is going on.

There are no easy answers to what your wife is doing.

Do you know the story of the prodigal son in the bible? We'll it almost seems like that here - she is going off to explore the world and see what's out there and she will have to fall hard. Right now mom and dad are trying to rescue her and buy her love, but over a period of time, their money will run out and she'll be on to the next adventure.

All God is asking you to do is wait and love her. But, in doing so there are some protective boundaries that are important for guarding you heart.

If you can start counseling for you and your kids, that would be great as it will give you the coping skills you need as well as help toward the healing process. Also, no longer sleep with her. She no longer wants to be your wife, so why give her the advantages of being one? This is to protect your heart.

There are two great books I would consider picking up -
Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson
Power of A Praying Husband by Stormie O' Martian

The Prodigal Son eventually came to his senses and came back home. You wife has made a choice...
So, if she wants to be back home, then one condition for her to do so is - maritial counseling.

Yeah for your pastor - he spoke the truth. The truth is not easy to hear and that's why she has walked away. She was confronted with her sin. She had to look at it in the face. Right now she is trying to run and hide from the Lord, hoping He will not see it.

There is always hope. Hang on to that and pray for her. It doesn't mean you will be overjoyed and approve of her decisions, but Christ calls you to continue to love her and care for her - just like the prodigal son. It's also important to know what boundaries to establish with her so you do not become a doormat for her whims.

Worry and anxiety will get you nowhere. Each time you fill this entering your soul, stop. Simply pray: Lord, I do not want this worry on my shoulders. Please take this from me and carry it on yours. Help me trust you with the outcome.

Chev702 · Newbie Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 2

Oh Thank You. Those Words Meant Alot To Me!! I Seem Like I Was Getting Nowhere I Prayed For 5 Monthes Straight And Never Seens Any Results. In Fact I Even Went To The Extreme Of Expecting A Answer From God. But In All Of This I Have Learned God Doesn't Work On My Timeline Her Has Everything Already Mapped Out. Why Things Happen Only He Knows. I Let Her Drag The Kids Half Way Across The US To Las Vegas They Worst Place Anybody Should Take Children. But I Never Stopped Her. When She Came Back She Said It Was Worth It But They Never Had Any Fun. Right Now I Am Holding Together Through God. I Spend Most The Time Reading The Bible And Going To Church. I Try My Best To Keep Her Going I Take The Kids When I Am Able. She On The Other Hand Is Just The Other Way Around. Watching Bad TV. MTV, CSI, Criminal Minds And The Like She Is Reading A Book On Harry Potter Now Which Lay"s Next To The Bible The Pastor Gave Her To Read Even Told Her Where To Start But She Isn't Interested.Right Now Everything Looks Pretty Good In Her Life But The Day Will Come When She Will Fall Hard And I Hope She Has Jesus To Lean On. I Told Her If She Turns A Deaf Ear To Him, What Would Happen If He Turned A Deaf Ear To Her When She Needs Something. She Told Me If She Burns In Hell So Be It. I told Her It Was Clear She Don't Know What Hell Was Or She Would never Make a Comment Like That. But Yes Thank You!! Your Words Moved Mountain In My Heart. It Let Me Know That I Am Not The Bad Guy Here I Am Doing All I Can To Do Right And Continue To Pray.Care For My Children And Let Her Do Her Thing Winter Is Comming On Fast And There Is Going To Be Alot Of Lonely Night I Am Sure. Hopefully The Good Lord Will Be Able To Speak To Her Heart Until Them I Will Wait And See Where This Goes Thanks Again Kevin..

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

It the meantime, just let her know you love her.
No more condemnation in the name of the Lord - that's His work to do - not yours.

Just love her... like Christ loves her...
Look forward to her visits, tell her she's beautiful, she smells good and so on. Thank her for the little things. Do not point out her faults - God will show her, in His time, what she needs to change.

Then read and read some more about what it means to be a good husband. There are tons of books out there that can help. Also, search the bible and Read It...Absorb it... Breathe it. Help it transform you.

Marital issues are never one-sided. There is always a part that we play.
Search your heart to know what changes God wants you to make.

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