What does it mean to have Christ at the center? - Christ-centered relationships

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

What do you feel it means to have a "Christ-centered" relationship?

Explain the beauty of it if you are currently in one. :inlove:

kelly · Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2002 12:38 pm Post subject:

Hmmm...a Christ centered relationship...everybody probably does it a little differently. Your marraige, and your walk with the Lord is personal. Here's some of what Jason and I do;

First we always attend church together. This may sound like a given, but there are couples who don't do this, or go together but don't sit together.

Second, we agree that God is first for each other and for our household. All decisions are God based (or so we try!). We refer to the Word and prayer for tough decisions. If a mistake is made, it is corrected to be in God's Word (even if it means humiliation).

Third, we read our bibles and discuss what we are reading together. Sometimes we are in the same book and we share thoughts. Sometimes we are in different books and we share whatever new info. we learned. This sometimes is an effort as Jason has less time to read than I do, but I have made a commitment to read the bible daily and at least once or twice a week I find a quiet time with him and I will bring it up. I have found if I initiate sometimes, it makes it easier for him. Once initiated, he'll "get in to it" with me and we both learn something new from the Word of God every time!

Fourth, we encourage each other CONSTANTLY. If I find he is down, or has a question, then as being one with him, I take on his problem and help. We look for answers together, we pray together. If I am down, he picks up on it and talks to me in love about it. I have found that when one of us is down, the other has incredible strength (I believe God does this). I never ignore his "down times" or his "slacking" and the same goes for me. We are a team in everything.

Fifth, we do everything together. This makes it harder for anything to come between us. We shop together, do laundry together, go to the doctor together...We wouldn't have it any other way! This has made us "one" as I believe God intended. It has helped both of us to understand each other better and learn to accept and get over the little things. It has also kept him very involved with our kids as we do everything as a family and this means Jason's help in almost all the child rearing, discipline and teaching. Our kids see what kind of relationship mommy and daddy have, how close we are, how we handle situations Godly, and how much we love God and we pray they will follow and find mates similar
:inlove: We do have our quiet times with God seperately though. This usually happens at night and is either spontaneous, or one asks the other for some time alone. In this case one of us is in the bedroom and one in the living room. If our worship/prayer time goes on for a while, we may quietly join the other (I love this time b/c we both get to share in the awesome presence of God!)

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Kelly:
Amen! Sounds like you have a wonderful, beautiful, godly, and blessed marriage. We need more out here like yours!

kelly · Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2002 8:07 am Post subject:

We aren't perfect, but the important things are that we put God first and we work together no matter what.

My weakness in our marraige is my temper, my mouth. I can fight pretty nasty (a habit I picked up from my ex). I have a tendency to belittle my husband while we fight. Recently he made a decision on his own that I wasn't in agreement with. The decision ended up being a poor one and we are paying for it now. I know Jason feels bad enough about it and is doing his best to rectify the situation, but I had to do the "I told you so" thing and make him feel smaller than he already did. I recognize what I do and am working on it. Jason is patient with me and prays for me as I do for him and his weaknesses. Together we correct and pray for each other and this way we grow! :inlove: I have to give him more credit than I can take as he is usually the first to say "I'm sorry" and the first to take steps to fix a bad situation. I will accept correction, but it takes me a little longer. It is my love for my Lord, and for my husband, that makes me want to be corrected and change.

We all have weaknesses, bad habits, whatever is in our flesh that isn't Godly. When you marry you are accepting the responsibility of facing and correcting those things in order to please God and your husband. It is an every day effort to keep your walk with God straight, and your marraige healthy. It isn't all uphill just b/c you are in love, it is actually work! If you are ready and willing to take on that "work" and you love the Lord and your husband, or soon to be husband, the rewards more than pay off!! :inlove: The more obedient to the Word you are in your walk and in your marraige, you will see blessings you never imagined! Very Happy

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Kelly:
Yes, there are no perfect marriages out here. In fact, I wouldn't even want a perfect marriage because there would be no growth there. No putting irons through the fire to have them sharpened for his glory. No helping each other in each other's weaknesses, and completing each other. I think God has designed marriage as putting 2 imperfect people together who need to lean on Christ in that marriage to strive for perfection. Wink

It's amazing about what you just shared. My bf & I had a talk on the phone last night about submitting to God in marriage. I was asking him does he think he will be open to God's leading as a husband, have God first, and depend & submit to him regarding decisions. He doesn't feel he will seek out God on every little decision (he may decide to do something, without seeking God), but that he would try to look to God. I realize that there will be times where a husband may not always seek/submit to God. But as long as he strives to keep him 1st is crucial.

I don't know. I'm still seeing some red flags with my bf:

He's a naturally rebellious person by nature (has parents who are old, and who were very strict--once he reached 13, this is when he started to rebel against them alot). This makes me question how he is with authority figures.

Doesn't like rules (he never reads instructions; likes to find out things on his own, and do things his way). So this causes me to wonder if he will be obedient to the Word.

Is a non-confirmist & a "free-thinker" (likes to problem solve his way through things and find things out on his own; doesn't like to be told what to do). So this makes me question if he will fully submit.

I know we are all work in progress, and the Holy Spirit's job is to regenerate us once we accept Christ and that God is the potter, we are the clay. These are just the red flags I'm seeing right now. I think alot of this comes down to maturity in Christ as well. Alot of these things he won't battle with as much as he matures. And also, alot of these things are the nature of a male in general.

kelly · Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2002 6:15 pm Post subject:

Danielle, it sounds like your bf just doesn't like being told what to do or how to do it overall. This fits in with being rebellious and doing things his own way, without instruction. I can relate a bit. I was always rebellious and liked things my way. I was away from home early and did things my own way. I paid the consequences though when I entered into an abusive marraige with somebody I didn't love, abandoned college, and had two kids very young. Now, while my friends are out in the world making good money, having big weddings, and buying houses, I am still renting an apartment and living paycheck to paycheck. I made alot of mistakes b/c of my rebelliousness. However, I came to a point when I was left with nothing to do except turn to God. Being broke, alone, and living in a motel will do that to you. I came to God and surrendered. I have been blessed since. As I was drowning, even contemplating suicide, God sent me Jason. God provided for what I didn't have, food, a place to live, a car to drive, and the blessings have been coming ever since. I had to be broken first. If your bf isn't "broken" of his rebellious nature, you're right, he may never be able to submit. He has to submit to God, which we all know isn't always easy! He'll also have to submit to your pastor and leadership. This also won't be easy as they won't always agree. Even if the authority is wrong, we are called to submit. Ugh! Try feeling him out as you go through the counselling. See how he reacts to your pastor giving him instructions. Does he follow through? Does he complain? Hmm...Submitting when you don't agree or even flat out know they are wrong is hard, but after I finally tried it, (sigh), I was blessed and HUMBLED. What an incredible lesson to learn! My walk took a flying leap the day I finally learned to submit, obey,and be truly humble. :inlove: (As did my marraige, if only I could practice it a little more often in my marriage! Working on it!)

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Kelly,
Sounds like the Lord has really bought you through alot! Amen.

Actually my bf doesn't really have a problem of submitting to the pastor's authority, but more so outside authority figures like the police (he can respect them as long as they respect him), speed limits, and then his father at times. They are always butting heads (however this has decreased quite a bit lately because he is learning to humble himself more) because they are very headstrong and are alike, but also think differently at the same time. They both are involved in a family-owned business, with my bf being the president.

I'm seeing him learn to humble himself more & more, and I definitely know the submitting part isn't easy for men because of pride, fear and other factors too. Yes, we all have trouble with that "S" word! At the same time, he definitely has a little more ways to go in my eyes before he is ready to marry since he likes to do things his way & it's all about him at times, and has some selfish tendencies he would like to diminish. But this is to be expected when that person is #1 in their life. He's also admitted though, that once he knows he is engaged this will force him even more to start working on those things because he knows he is headed towards a marriage, and he can't come first anymore. That's a trademark of singleness in itself though. Those years when all we have to think about is self, huh?

kelly · Posted: Mon Jun 10, 2002 6:57 am Post subject:

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Hi Kelly,

I hear what you are saying, but let me clarify a couple of things too. Don't get me wrong, he's not waiting for an engagement before he can start working on certain things, alot of things are already in progress.

He isn't overly selfish right now I'd say, because he has definitely made alot of changes in that area in the past year as our relationship has grown more & more, but he still feels that he needs to make even more changes in preparation of becoming a husband & father. So overall he is growing less selfish. I guess I meant "it will force him to work on those things even MORE" and not so much work on them in general. A strong motivating factor, as he continues to change. He's already begun to make changes and is on that road, but feels he still needs to make more. I've often heard that marriage makes a "boy become a man" so I kind of understand what he's talking about, about how marriage can mature a person.

I hope this clears things up some.

Smile

kelly · Posted: Wed Jun 12, 2002 6:15 am Post subject:

I will agree that marraige, and parenthood, will make a "boy" into a man. That's as long as the "boy" has the right heart condition. My first husband never matured. He had a lying problem, among others, that never changed once we were married. He hasn't seen my two kids in a year and probably never will again (by his own choice). In this case he never had the right heart condition. Jason, however, definately had the right heart condition, just needed some real responsibility to grow up. He was a momma's boy when I met him, thinking he was tough, but had never really had it tough out in the world. Marraige and fatherhood was a whole new world to him. He took it on though and successfully!

Keep praying Danielle and God's will will prevail in your life! You know what you want, and even what God would have for you. :inlove:

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Hi Kelly,

I agree with what you are saying about heart condition. I think my bf is in a similar boat as your husband was. His heart is slowly moving towards wanting to have Christ first, but yet he still has some maturing & growing up to do. Not that we all aren't growing, or that we won't continue to be work-in-progress, I just think he has a bit more maturing to do before I could marry him.

Continually praying,

kelly · Posted: Wed Jun 12, 2002 8:29 am Post subject:

Danieele, I am curious if you don't mind...how old is your bf? And you? I am 25 and Jason is also. I started out early and he did what his mother wanted him to do, stay at home under her wing. As boys naturally mature at a slower rate than girls, and I had already "been there, done that", we were on two different maturity levels with different ideas of responsibility. I was divorced with two kids living in a motel when he met me. He was living at home with only a small rent to pay and car insurance. He grew up fast when he made the decision to marry me. He says he never thought twice about it b/c he loved me and the kids so much. I believe God gave him what he needed (patience, a love for the kids, etc...) to fulfill His plan. Praise God! :inlove: Now, when I think of the biblical description of what a husband should be, I know it is Jason! He loves me as he should, provides for us as he should, and is raising up our kids as he should. It was a rough first year, mostly b/c his mother couldn't let go, but he never let me down and has always stood by my side. Growing up wasn't easy for him, his mother didn't make it easy, but we got through it with God.

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Kelly,
I'm 29, my bf is 31 going on 32 in Nov. Yes, girls definitely mature faster. We even have bigger shoe sizes! I wonder if people can have "spiritual age differences" and not just physicall since we are taking about this maturity subject. We both came to the Lord around the same age (13), but he soon after rebelled and strayed away from God after becoming a certain age, because he was forced to go to church. He grandma who had the gift of visions, from what I was told, did share with him though that he would return to the church. Since I have entered his life, he has now been growing closer to God. I've been told I am "wise beyond my years" from my bf several times, and the pastor even said this to me last night during our pre, pre-marital session.

My bf loves me alot, and feels that since he loves me enough he will mature just fine as well since he'll be taking on a huge responsibility of husband & father.

Janine · Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2002 9:41 am Post subject:

Danielle, is it my imagination or do you mention your pastor in just about every post you make? ???

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Janine,
Not every post, just the one's dealing with pre-marital matters, since I am in the midst of receiving pre-marital counseling w/ the pastor. (or I may mention something he preached in a recent sermon dealing w/ marriage).

Why do you ask?

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