What do you know now that you wished you knew then - Pre-marriage advice

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Any marriage advice you'd like to share knowing what you know now about marriage? My mom has given me some good pre-marriage tapes, and has shared things with me that she was not knowledgeable about before marriage. Such as the spiritual aspect of marriage; not so much things you can only come to learn when married.

Janine · Posted: Tue Nov 19, 2002 7:44 pm Post subject:

When you marry, you marry his family too.

Not even them in the flesh, always, but the person he became due to growing up with & being raised by them.

If there's something horrible & distasteful to you in his family, do not marry him unless you're willing to take it on as well.

keala · Newbie Joined: 14 Nov 2002 Posts: 17

Make sure you always let your husband be the head of your household. That is one of the big things I think I have done wrong in my marriage. I tried to take that spot from my husband and wear the pants in the family. The Lord really knew what he was doing by giving the men that role...no matter how independent a women is her husband's God given right is the be the head of his family...an honor he truly deserves.
Your's in Christ,
Michelle

Janine · Posted: Wed Nov 20, 2002 10:58 am Post subject:

It would help if the men wouldn't wimp out so frequently, turning the leadership over without a protest! :p :laugh:

I'd like to have worked on becoming much less self-centered before I married, too.

keala · Newbie Joined: 14 Nov 2002 Posts: 17

Amen to that :laugh:

webacus · Posted: Wed Nov 20, 2002 3:44 pm Post subject:

I wish I knew early on that I needed to be more accepting of our differences and that you can't change your spouse.

Janine · Posted: Thu Nov 21, 2002 9:37 am Post subject:

My Mike came to me broken-hearted and repentant about halfway thru our marriage, saying he was sorry he'd been trying to squelch me into something I wasn't... saying that the very things he'd been trying to change about me were what drew him to me in the first place.

Don't think I don't dredge that memory up & cuddle it to my bosom periodically!

That's a thing I wish I'd understood better as a newlywed, the idea that the very things that first attracted you to the guy/gal might be what you think you're tired of 10 years down the line.

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

How much easier it is when God is part of the team, on a daily basis!

Janine · Posted: Mon Nov 25, 2002 1:35 pm Post subject:

I'd hate to try to do it without Him. Torture!

tanza · Full Member Joined: 30 Jul 2002 Posts: 76

Jonathan and I were blessed to have an amazing couple do our pre-marital counselling! They gave us ALOT of info (although its hard to get it until you have to apply it!) Some things that they shared with us...

* the husbands #1 priority should be loving his wife (other than the obvious...nurturing his relationship with Christ)

* the wife is to be the husband's helpmeet... that means helping him become the man God intends him to be. (altho many a guy interprets that verse to mean cooking n' cleaning!)

* date eachother at least once a week (a principle my husband and i are trying to put into application...we can see how ignoring that advice has had a negetive impact on our relationship)

* kids, while cute as all get out, are invaders! wait until you're ready!

* pray for each other daily... or more often!

* don't keep mental scores!

* never talk badly about you're sweetie to someone else... people like to hold grudges way too much!

* you will be overwhelmed by the commitment you've made.. even if you're madly in love! (i balled the whole second day of our honeymoon and didn't know why. i can look by now and see that i was just a wee bit ummm overwhelmed!)

... and something i would reccomend. Pre-marital counselling is great... but if you can find a pastor who is willing to do post-marital counselling as well... go for it! my hubby is going into the ministry and this is something that we will do for the young couples in our church. the counselling is needed most when the rubber meets the road... and that is generally AFTER the honeymoon!

Wynne · Full Member Joined: 03 Dec 2002 Posts: 109 Location: USA

One thing I would tell every newlywed, an important little item I learned a few years into my marriage,
and one that you must remember when raising children, too:

Quote:

Never threaten an action you do not intend to implement! Do not bring up divorce in anger, if you have decided that divorce will never be an option for you.

Quote:

Do not threaten the children with a consequence of their actions that you would not follow through upon. For example, do not try to force them to behave properly by saying you will not allow them to go to a church activity.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1950 Location: Chicago

Premarital counseling, premarital counseling, premarital counseling!!! And not just 1 or 2 sessions, but find something that will be 6-8 sessions. Financial seminar, marriage seminars
anything you can get your hands on.

How blindly we walk into marriage. We see something we don't like when we are dating and think it will just "miraculously" disappear once we say "I do". It only gets magnified with time and can create such division within a marriage.

Christ, Christ and only Christ can be a part of both of your lives. You cannot go into marriage being "spiritually" different with hopes of resolving it later. It does not get resolved it will be a continuous wedge between you. It will not create oneness in your relationship, but separateness. If you want to experience true loving intimacy, this is the only way. Otherwise, you are missing out on what God truly intends a marriage to be.

supershortt · Newbie Joined: 06 Mar 2003 Posts: 3

Read the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. I am currently engaged and this book has changed my outlook on marriage. I believe that every Christian engaged couple should read this.

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