waiting on the restoration of my marriage

FaithHopeJoy · Full Member Joined: 25 Jun 2007 Posts: 91

POSTSCRIPT!

My dear H has shown one important attribute of a Christian husband. That is, he continues to come home every night. If he had given up altogether, he would have run off with the OW. He has confessed that he twice asked this OW to 'escape' with him - but she wasn't prepared to do such a thing. God bless her for this sensible reaction! Very Happy

GOD's child · Newbie Joined: 21 Oct 2007 Posts: 8

Faithjoy,
I am sorry to hear this of your marriage, know that I am praying for you and your family. Yes I know it is through the grace of God that you are able to be loving and nurturing. I have to say though, I have had enough of the enemy, stealing and destroying, families. It really breaks my heart seeing spouses hurting families being torn apart, it really does. I pray that the hand of God will restore to each and everyone, all that the enemy has stolen, and make each family whole and new again. THe way God has intended it to be. I am claiming restoration in every area of lives to everyone here.
God bless you
Carol

secured · Full Member Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 113

FaithHopeJoy,

God Bless You!!!! I hope you realize what an inspiration you are. I find it so amazing that we (who have been through such utter chaos) can still go about doing good for our spouses. I'm sure our spouses can't believe it either. My H is still waiting for the hammer to fall. He knows about God's mercy; he just has trouble dealing with mine. I think he would feel better if I would rant and rave at him. I honestly just don't feel lead to do so. Does he deserve it? You bet. For what he has done, he should be chastised to the max. I use to wonder what his consequences were in all this mess. He seemed to have gotten off without any. I felt like, ok, he's had his fun in the sun, so where's his punishment? What I have learned is that while God does forgive when there is TRUE repentance, there are indeed consequences for the actions. God is our revenger. He just does it differently than we do though. He's wanting to restore, whereas, we want to hurt, possibly destroy this person who has maimed us. It's so hard to truly hand over our feelings of misery to God. We want and need justification.
All I know is, that since I've begun to slowly release the anguish of each trial, He replaces it with comfort, peace, and yes, even happiness. There's my justification.

It's still a daily effort. I still have valley days. They are just not as frequent. Yeah!!!! Smile

This forum has not only let me vent but has helped me answer alot of my own questions. I still need ya'lls input though. Still have questions, too detailed for my own good. Very Happy

Carol,
Just think if all of us would constantly pray as you have just stated. Wow, what a restoration there would be.
Hang in there! We've only begun to see what God can do. We just need to get out of His way more.

Smile! -RJ-

FaithHopeJoy · Full Member Joined: 25 Jun 2007 Posts: 91

I promised to keep you all up-to-date with progress after our twice-postponed 'three way' meeting (me, H and mentor). That meeting took place today.

For as long as we talked at a social level, it went well enough - but when we started exploring the issues that lie at the heart of our current circumstances, my H backed right off and soon brought the meeting to a close. He accused me and our mentor of conspiring to control him (only because we were both coming up with lots of ideas about rebuilding the relationship - rather like the Marriage Minute on this website, but customised to suit my H and me).

When H and I got back home, he said he didn't like it at all that the mentor 'takes my side'. In reality, he doesn't take sides at all - but mis-perception is so powerful, and clouds the truth. You may remember from earlier posts that my H 'justified' his actions by claiming it was a reaction to my controlling behaviour.

If balancing wife/mother/daughter/friend roles with volunteering, church, career and home-making in an organised fashion counts as controlling - then I was controlling.

I have asked my H if he would prefer to seek more anonymous Christian counselling. I am sensing that the close connections my H has with the mentor (head of the Christian Mission where H is due to take over; father of the OW, and so on) are not helping the situation. Oh no - maybe this observation appears to be controlling, too? Confused

The two of us are real-life evidence of Shaunti Feldhahn's research that shows men need to feel respected (but can get by without love) just as powerfully as women need to feel loved (but worry less about being respected). My H is more frightened of losing his reputation than he is of losing me. Great, eh! But I am staying right by his side because I know God wants me to hang in there!

H and I have agreed to prayerfully consider the way forward. Please join us in praying that we can hear - and follow - God's guidance on this. We might be taking one step forward for every two steps back - but let's be thankful that we both continue to believe that ALL things work together for good to those that love God. Romans 8:28

secured · Full Member Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 113

(((((FaithHopeJoy)))))

Whew!!!!!!!! You are such an inspiration on patience. I am still so in awe of God granting His peace and His patience to those of us who are hurting beyond measure and still are in there fighting. Where would we be without it? I shudder to think.

I wonder if your H. is almost to scared to really face what he has done to God, to you, your marriage, and his ministry. He seems as though he doesn't want to delve. If he knows any scripture from the Bible,(and I'm sure he does), he knows the truth deep down. It's just so much easier to turn the blame on someone else than on ourselves. He doesn't want the light shined on him in any way. Who does, especially those of us who are Christians that have gone over the line drawn in the sand by God. In my opinion, if you were really controlling, you would not be as patient about all of this. You could, in all reality, blow the doors off his world. To be controlling, you would have to be out of control. You, dear sister, are IN control, not controlling. Big difference. From your posts, I gather that you are doing what God has asked of you. I'm sure your H sees this and wonders at your ability to take so much and still care about him. I wonder, will your mentor still see your husband as able to take over as head of the Christian Mission? Surely, the mentor knows that until your H. is broken and truly repentant that God will not be able to bless his ministry. That he cannot lead people when he has a log in his own eye. Does your husband not see that possiblility?

I pray that wherever you both go for Christian counseling that he will not keep running from the truth. He has to get past his own justifying of his own sin. He has to take ownership, as we all must do. He's really a very lucky man. Not many women could stand beside their husbands and take what the offending spouse is dishing out. Be of strong heart, God WILL bless you for your stand. God will shake or break. We just always hope and pray they wake up with the shaking.

I was wondering too, has the OW's attitude changed? Is she less hostile? I pray that she is.

Take care of yourself. Take a little break from all the stress by doing something for yourself. You certainly deserve it. There are days I sure wish I had a Starbucks in my house. Yum-o!!!!!

With God and you on his side pulling for him, your H will see victory. Throw the rest of us on here who are praying for you both, in for good measure.

Smile , -RJ-

FaithHopeJoy · Full Member Joined: 25 Jun 2007 Posts: 91

RJ

Thank you for your prayers and your encouraging words. When I read Hebrews 3:13, I think of you. You have the insight that comes from empathy. Bless you for your understanding.

The OW's attitude has not softened in any way. She continues to be so hostile in connection with me that her father doesn't yet have God's peace about us meeting again. And my H can't seem to break free from her. If he could only be honest with himself and God, she is controlling him at the moment.

As you say, RJ: "With God and you on his side pulling for him, your H will see victory". That is my perennial prayer.

Tomorrow is the Lord's Day. Let's pray that the Lord speaks to each of us and to all our spouses in a way that we/they just can't ignore. May all our actions each day bring glory to Him.

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 126

FHJ

How are things going with you these days? You've really been on my mind lately.

-RJ-

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