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Cmitchell
Newbie
Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 10:09 am Post subject: Why can't I trust my Husband? |
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| I had a lot of issues in my past relationships with lying and cheating and I thought I had dealt with those. I believe at one time I did trust my husband but I recently found a phone number in his car and he claims it was just an old friend that he met when he went into a store and he threw the number away in front of me but since then I am nosey when he is on the phone I check his cell phone, I go through his car and everytime he leaves the house I think that he is with another women. He is never gone for more than a few hours and I know men that that man to man time but it makes me feel like my Husband doesn't like spending time with me. I would rather sit home in front of the TV and he would rather go out we are totally different but I am starting to think of separating because I don't know how to learn to trust my husband. Sometimes his cell phone will be just sitting in front of me while he is in the shower and I have to fight not to look through it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!? |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 1788
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 10:41 am Post subject: |
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I would seriously consider seeing a counselor to talk about your fears.
Separating will not make the pain go away, it will only make it intensify.
And deep down you know it's important to lift these fears up to God.
| Quote: | | I would rather sit home in front of the TV and he would rather go out we are totally different. |
I'm sure you knew this about each other when you got married. It can't be a total surprise. There needs to be compromise on "going out time" and "staying home time". You need to talk about it and know that there needs to be some sacrificing for the other. |
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Cmitchell
Newbie
Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 11:23 am Post subject: |
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| I did know about this before we got married and I think my expectations were set a little to high and I thought once he was my husband he would change and then I realized that he will not. My biggest problem is not that the leaves my biggest problem me wondering if he is with another women. I am so insecure and I have prayed about this for years and I don't know why I am this way I am a child of God an heir to the royal thrown, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have a good job I am in college, I own my own home, I go to church every Sunday and I am very active and I have been praying for God to boost my self esteem and help me to secure in my marriage but sometimes I feel so alone I feel like God isn't listening to me sometimes or maybe I did something in the past to deserve this. |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 1788
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 11:41 am Post subject: |
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Those unrealistic expectations can trip us up - that's for sure. 
Especially when we think someone will change for us.
God tells us in the bible "Do Not Fear" 365 times - one for everyday of the year. If you've given your heart to Christ, you are no longer punished for your past - it is gone, wiped away and clean.
| Quote: | | I have been praying for God to boost my self esteem and help me to secure in my marriage but sometimes I feel so alone I feel like God isn't listening to me sometimes or maybe I did something in the past to deserve this. |
If this fear is crippling you, and it seems that it is, it's important to get some help through counseling. Words that you hear in your head, or that tap on the shoulder that I call Holy Spirit nudges, will always be affirming and kind and loving. God does not condemn, belittle, put doubt and fear into us. |
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Cmitchell
Newbie
Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 12:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Thank you, but to be totally hones with you I am so afraid of counseling it almost seems like if you have to take it that far then there is something seriously wrong with you. On the other hand it would be nice to open up to someone who knows nothing about me. I am crying as I am typing this because I think it is such a shame that counseling is an option for me and that I have let this go on for so long. Do you ever feel like the devil is busier than God. Sometimes I feel like my prayers fall on deaf ears. |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 1788
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 12:20 pm Post subject: |
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No, God is in control not Satan. Busy yes, he loves to destroy marriages at alarming rates today. Marriages are the closest thing on this earth to the trinity. You, your husband and God form the alliance that God, His Son and the Holy Spirit has.
I've always looked at counseling as bringing new strength, new perspective and changes to my life. Sometime we are so deeply entrenched in our pain, we can't see the light of God.
So, you have a choice. Continue to walk in the pain and the darkness that it brings, or make a choice to walk away from it and heal. We see and feel God with greater clarity once we do.
Prayers never falls on deaf ears. Sometimes there is so much noise going on around us, that we don't recognize God's hand in our lives. He doesn't always give us clear answers and sometimes we simply do not hear them - but he often brings other people into our lives to talk to us.
Your marriage is counting on getting the help you need.
If you don't trust your husband, who will you trust? If you end this marriage because of trust issues, don't you think the same issues will follow you into the next relationship? |
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