I feel like I am lossing my faith please help me

happy1 · Newbie Joined: 22 Dec 2007 Posts: 2

MY HUSBAND AND I SEPARATED 18 MONTHS AGO- WE BOTH WERE VERY UNHAPPY, I WAS ANGRY AND BITTER ABOUT THINGS THAT HAPPEN BEFORE WERE MARRIED. HE STARTED AN AFFAIR AND WE SPLIT. WE TRIED WORKING THROUGH THINGS TWICE BUT IT JUST DIDN'T WORK. I BEGAN SOUL SEARCHING AND BEGAN A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. I BEGAN ATTENDING CHURCH AND GETTING SOMEWHAT INVOLVES (AS MUCH AS I CAN WITH 3 KIDS)
OF COURSE I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO IT HAS JUST BEEN ABOUT 4 -6 MONTHS.
MY ISSUE IS MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN LIVING APART FOR SOMETIME, WE HAVE NOT FILED FOR A DIVORCE YET AND AT ONE POINT HE WAS LIVING IN HIS OWN APARTMENT. HE AND I HAVE NOT TALKED OR DISCUSSION OUR MARRIAGE I ASKED HIM TO GIVE THINGS A WHILE TO SETTLE IN. ABOUT 4 WEEKS AGO HE SAID T ME THAT WE NEED TO GET A DIVORCE BECAUSE WE ARE MARRIED BUT NOT TOGETHER, HE THAN WENT ON TO SAY HOW I AM HIS WIFE BUT WE ARE NOT DOING HUSBAND/WIFE THINGS. HE ALSO SAID THAT WE NEED TO EITHER DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY OR JUST GET A DIVORCE I WAS A LITTLE UPSET
BECAUSE WE TALKED ABOUT WAITING BEFORE MAKING A CHOICE AND I ALSO FELT AS IF HE WAS BULLYING ME INTO MAKING A CHOICE.
WELL YESTERDAY AS I TRIED TOUCHING BASE WITH HIM- WE NORMALLY TALK DAILY. I ASKED HIM IF SOMETHING WAS GOING ON BECAUSE I HAVE NOT REALLY TOUCH BASE WITH HIM IN A FEW DAYS, THE CONVERSATION GOES BAD AND I ASKED ARE YOU WTH SOMEONE ELSE, HE REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO ANSWER BUT HE SAID YES,
I AM UPSET BUT NOT SURE WHY, I MEAN WE HAVE NOT BEEN TOGETHER IN A WHILE, I WAS SO UNHAPPY FOR THE LAST 5-6 YEARS. I DON'T KNOW WHY I FEEL THIS HURT AND DISAPPOINMENT. HE MADE A COMMENT - I ASKED HIM WHAT CHANGED HE SAID SHE MAKES HIM HAPPY AND WHAT DID I WANT HIM TO DO SIT AT HOME ALONE MISTERABLE STARING AT THE WALL.
TRUTHFUL - I DIDN'T TELL HIM THIS BUT I DO THAT I AM SO SAD,DOWN AND LONELY I AM HOME WITH MY KIDS- I LOVE THEM DEARLY BUT I TOO WANT TO BE CLOSE TO SOMEONE I WANT TO HAVE THAT HAPPINESS. WHY IS IT HE COULD BREAK OUR VOWS AND NOT CARELESS ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND CONTINUE TO BE HAPPY-- WHILE I AM HERE READING MY BIBLE, PRAYING , ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS, GUIDENESS, LOVE, AND TRYING MY BEST TO DO WHATS RIGHT-- BUT HE GETS TO BE HAPPY AND FREE ? I NEED TO KNOW IF FILING FOR DIVORCE WILL ALLOW ME TO LIVE AGAIN AND START A NEW LIFE ? CAN I START DATING? HOW DO I KEEP FROM TRYING TO HURT HIM AS HE HAS TOO ME Sad

greenwidow · Full Member Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 112

You have been faithful to your vows. For that, you should not be sad.

You have been alone too long and allowing your husband to live in sin. I am not sure that was productive on any front. He needed to either get on with it or get it right a long time ago. You don't have to divorce, but this has been a year and a half with a wound open. Why haven't you worked towards repairing this relationship before now. This is why separation is such a bad idea. You can't work on it, if you aren't there.

It sounds like you need to work on the hurt and anger. That takes a long time to live without, even if there aren't circumstances such as spousal infidelity. The things that you state brought you to this point are anger and bitterness. Both have a way of eating away at the possessor and not at the one they are intended for.

Do you want a relationship with this man? He is still with this woman or another? Why would you think there would be anything left for you when he still has someone else. Yes, the human part of you wants him to sit home and stare at the wall and mourn your relationship. That isn't happening.

The Bible calls for a certain set of actions on your part. None of those calls for hate. In fact, you are to love your enemies. (Matthew 5:43-45) Is what has been done to you wrong? Yes! No matter what beginnings of the turmoil in your marriage, infidelity is not the answer.

Do you need to ask forgiveness for your part of the break up? Yes! Asking for that forgiveness acknowledges your part of the break up. Eventually, that will let you begin healing.

It's not the time to begin thinking about dating again. If you go from this turmoil, to a new relationship you will take the issues with you into the new relationship.

Seek Christian counsel and work towards healing your life and preparing yourself for what you need to be in the future. You are still the mother of three children with him. This is only going to be harder over the years, not easier.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

happy1 · Newbie Joined: 22 Dec 2007 Posts: 2

Thanks for the support- it is what I really needed to hear. With the Hoildays here I feel so down and out. I know I am not ready to date and yes it would purly be to make him hurt and make him wondering what is going on. Its not right. What he is doing is a sin and yes I will admit that I was not doing what God called me to do in our marriage but we both had our faults. I need to pray and ask for God's forgiveness for the unwifey things and ways I was with him throughout our marriage , saying hurtful things, shutiing him out emotionalyly and physically.
It is also very true about calling on God only when in need. I need to focus and center my life on God everyday, every minute, every second something I had not done. I know there is no way to get through life without God, I need him now, later, and before more than I ever know.
Thank you so much please send hugs- this is going to be a hard week for me-- But prayers will get me through it.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 307 Location: In Prayer

My prayers are with you for a blessed and peaceful Christmas.
May Christ's love and light fill your home and your heart.

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