Wife's Past

wpscooter · Newbie Joined: 03 Oct 2006 Posts: 11

Thanks for the advice. The counseling I have been going to has seemed to at least help me deal with my problems and feelings. I don't know if it is helping my marriage yet, but I am getting stronger in my relationship with God. I also started attending a bible study that meets weekly. I know I have to work on myself and leave my marriage relationship up to God. I can not fix it. I really have to trust in him. I really appreciate all the advice from everyone. I hope and pray all this will help me to get closer to the Lord and be a better husband.

cjbaldw · Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 9:54 pm Post subject: Re: Thanks

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 315 Location: In Prayer

Empty Shell of a Man · Junior Member Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 29

[quote="wpscooter"]I have been married for over 17 years. I got married at 19. My wife, girlfriend at that time, was pregnant. We got married. We were freshmen in college, and she was my first serious girlfriend. I was a virgin and very naive, being raised in a small town and sheltered. My wife was just the opposite. She had had sex when she was 15 and had several sexual partners. I was totally blinded and mesmerized with the relationship. She told me about much of her past before we were married, or at least a small glimpse of her past partners. At that time, I was so lost in lust for her that I really did not understand what it all meant. I also was not saved at the time and had never really been taught anything about sexual purity. As I matured and realized what a relationship is suppose to be, I have realized what our relationship is missing. I have learned new aspects to her past as she has let things slip. Things that really bother me, such as she slept with her best friend's boyfriend, she had several one night stands, slept with more than one guy during the same time period, and cheated on me while we were dating. All these issues point to the same thing that I have a problem with, and that is I don't believe someone who so freely let other guys have her can have a sacred sexual relationship with me. In fact, our sex life suffers more and more as time goes by. I sort of feel cheated that she withholds from me so much of the time that which she gave away so freely to other guys who seemingly meant so little to her. I feel as though I am selfish sometimes, because she says I should just get over it and it is in the past. Yet, that seems easy for the person with the past to say that to the person who is hurting. I feel like I am paying for her past.

Please help![/quote]

sin really stinks. That is the bottom line.

I urge my sons to stay away from both sin, and girls that are loose. It could only break their hearts later. I love my wife dearly, but her past always bothered me. I have been able to tell her many things, and she deeply regrets her past. She even knows that it heightens the pain of rejection because, just as the original poster said, why reject me that which was so freely given to others? I am the one that loves you!

There is a certain pain that comes when true intimacy begins to blossom....the kind of intimacy the Song of solomon talks about. How both of us wish to be delivered from the body of sin....we often talk how wonderful it would have been had we saved ourselves only for each other.

Great lesson for the young people in the Church today. Sin always brings pain.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 315 Location: In Prayer

How do you think Jesus sees your wife?

If he can forgive the sins or her past - why do you feel a need to continue to hold them over her? I've read your past posts. This is an issue that still is not resolved... months later.

What steps do you think you can take to work on this? You cannot change your wife's past but, you and you alone can reshape your future together. If you have not sought personal counseling for this for yourself, it would be a wise thing to do.

A woman knows when she is not fully loved by her husband - she knows.
And the intimacy you desire with her, like the intimacy in the Song of Solomon, is not likely to occur until you can put her past behind you.

	Growthtrac Community Forum Index -> Infidelity	All times are GMT - 6 Hours Goto page Previous 1, 2
Page 2 of 2