should I contact the other women

styler1220 · Newbie Joined: 27 Aug 2007 Posts: 1

8 mnths ago my husband confessed to having an affair with a women at work. I told him in order for us to work all ties with her need to be none, throught the last 8 months I HAVE ASKED are you staying away, he says yes , my feelings say no , so when I found out thursday 8-22 , that they still talk I was furious, our 15 yr old son found out too... He told his dad things like I hate you and you are not my father anymore..... my husband is desprate to fix this , I feel the need to confront the woman and tell her myself to stay away from my husband, should I do this , she does know I know about them... Her husband works with them too, he is kinda over my husband in job positions so he could get my hubby fired , but if that happend she should be fired too. My hubby has been there 25 yrs. What should I do because I really want to tell her to stay away from him.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1858 Location: Chicago

As for contacting her, my advice would be no.

What needs to take place is, your husband needs to call her while you are sitting next to him. He needs to tell her that you know about the affair and that you are sitting next to him. He needs to tell her that they can no longer see each other or talk to each other. Also, one of them needs to make a decision about leaving the work place. And, while that is a huge factor, with prayer... it may be your husband who needs to leave. Complete breakoff of the affair usually does not occur when the people continue to see each other or talk on a daily basis.

Also, as a couple you need to enter into counseling. Both of you need to dig deep and come to an understanding of the issues within your husband and your marriage that made him walk this path. Very specific boundaries need to be established so he does not make these choices again and he can rebuild your trust.

Lastly, I'm wondering how your son found out about this as he absolutely should not be brought into this situation with you and your husband.

webacus · Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 8:30 am Post subject:

styler, welcome. Thanks for posting.

I agree with SAM. Direct contact between you and "the woman"
is probably not a good idea.

Working together does makes things more complicated.
It would be tough for your husband to end a 25 year
career -- but in these circumstances, extreme actions
are often necessary.

Consider also changing email accounts, mobile phone numbers,
IM accounts, etc., etc. For accountability & monitoring, your husband
should be "okay" with giving you access to these.

punz · Newbie Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

You have been given very good advise from the other posts and my heart goes out to you. God can and does repair marriages after adultry. I am curious how it was your son was at your husbands work in able to see them talking and why he would be upset by seeing that. Hopefully he doesn't know about the affair.
praying for you and your family,
punz

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