Need direction in my prayer

Archie · Newbie Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 3

I am in need of direction in my prayers. I have only come to know Christ over the past year. I was raised Roman Catholic, but was not even a very good Catholic. July 16th was my 1 year anniversary of accepting Christ into my life. He has made a tremendous impact in my life. In June of 2005 I was diagnosed with Lupus. After several months of treatment and chemotherapy, my doctors were at a loss as to what to do next. In July 2006 I came to Christ. In August my Lupus was in remission. What a wonderful gift.

Now my biggest struggle. On July 23rd of 2006, one week after accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, my wife of 21 years told me she was filing for divorce. I accept full responsibility for her feeling that she needed to get away from me. She went as far as to tell me that if she stayed she would kill herself. I could not take that risk and did not protest the divorce as much as I wanted to inside.

I know I was not giving her what she needed. She told our Pastor that she prayed for a very long time for me to find God. He called her on that and asked why she was not willing to let God work on me and our marriage. She didn't respond to that very well and left that church for good.

I love her more today than the day she told me that she was filing for divorce. Am I just plain nuts? I feel like a teenage boy with a crush on a girl who doesn't know that I exist. She won't even talk to me unless it is about our three wonderful girls.

I know in my heart that God did not want this divorce. I think she believes that God did want this divorce. Everything I read says that is not true.

I have learned alot about myself over the past year. I have read several books about personality and marriage. I think to myself, these books should be required reading for anyone getting married. The two books that have made the most impact are Personality Plus and The Five Love Languages. I had no clue before reading these books. I feel so stupid. I was given a wonderful gift in my wife and childern. I disrespected God and my wife, though I did not know this at the time. I see now that she tried for a very long time to get me to open my eyes. I broke her heart more than once and she just can't do it anymore.

I would never want to go back to the way things were. I just can't help but feel that knowing what I know now things would be different. I want so much to believe there is a purpose for this pain. I know I am changing and growing everyday. I can feel the Potter's hand at work in my life. I struggle with knowing what to pray for. My selfishness got me into this situation. How can I pray for what I want now, my wife back?

Please help point me in the right direction.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1991 Location: Chicago

Pick up the book by Stormie O'Martian called Power of a Praying Husband. I believe this will guide you and help tremendously on what you can pray for.

It's wonderful that you now recognize the hurt that you caused your marriage and the role you played. But 21 years of hurt is a long time and she probably got to the point of not being able to take one more moment of it.

Archie · Newbie Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 3

SAM

Thank you for the book recommendation. I will get a copy asap.

My wife and I were both raised Roman Catholic and have considered ourselves Christian all of our lives. We both however were not happy with the Catholic 'religion'. I fell away from the church but always considered myself a believer. In March of 2006 we started going to a Baptist church and at least for myself fell on love. I could not believe the difference. It seemed that whatever was happening in my life that week, God was speaking to me through the Pastor. What a wonderful feeling. On July 16, 2006, as I stated before, I made the decision to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. I had doubts up to that point as to where I would go when I die. I no longer have those doubts.

My wife and I were married when we were just 18. We were not married in a church and I have had to live with that regret. We both deserved better than that.

I know she is guarding her heart. She told me so and I do not blame her for that. She did tell me while I was going through the chemo that God told her that this is where she needed to be. She didn't understand why God wanted her to stay but she did. It only lasted a couple of months though.

I pray for God to continue His work with me. I also pray that her heart will soften towards me in the future. I fear that she has lost her way. Before she decided to leave, she had been investigating her spirituality. She started talking about Spirit Guides and being a healer. She went to Indiana to Camp Chesterfield. I was excited for her at first. As I learned more I became afraid for her. I know she thought I was afraid of her 'spirituality'. I don't know where she stands with God. She won't talk to me about it for obvious reasons. She does attend a Lutheran church with her sister and her sister's partner. That is another story.

I will continue to have hope for a reconciliation. Am I being selfish to want that? I can't sleep at night. I wake up wondering when she will be home. There is so much more to this crazy story. Thanks again for your guidance and your loving concern.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1991 Location: Chicago

Actually it appears that perhaps that she may be the one who is not a believer. So, before you walk into another mistake - have you really thought about praying and asking God if HE wants you to remarry?
Maybe he doesn't.

Sounds like she is seeking/lost/uncertain about her spirituality and it would be wise and scriptural to wait.

Waiting on the Lord to do his work is not a bad thing. I know we want it right now, but sometimes He does tell us - let me do my work first, then I will bring the blessing to you.

When you feel anxiety and cannot sleep, that is not from God. Pray during those times and ask God to lift the anxiety from you and to give you rest.

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