wat do u do when ur husband is just not loving u??

DROP · Newbie Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 2

i wonder how it feels to u? or if ucan relate to me. i live with aman i believe tat God wants me tolive with. and like Mr Job in the Bible i guess God is trying me too now. anyways, it just feels so endlessly painful ,a nd my sorrow has taken the worse ofme. iam still living, feel really unloved, coz my husband says he loves me, but speaks rudely, says he is going to change but doesthe opposite. feel like giving up, but iwont, coz iknow my reedemer lives. just want to talk. Crying or Very sad

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

Have you heard of the book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? Perhaps this would be helpful to you and your husband in understanding what speaks "love" to each other.

What drives your desire/need to feel loved? With your husband's past, is this a tool he was given by his mother and father, or does he not have the tools in his toolbox to show you love?

As a couple, how to you feel your spiritual intimacy component is? Is there a warm and loving connection to God on a regular basis? Do you both seek him with all your hearts? Often, I have found that when my walk with God is lukewarm, that my marriage has been in the same place - lukewarm to cold.

Karelina9 · Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 5:44 pm Post subject: Drop

I really do understand your feelings. I feel the same way. I'm in the middle of some serious trial right now too. I've read that book Sam mentioned, it is a good book. My issue is, I need my husband to read it too. I can show him love, but if he isn't showing it me, what good is it? I know its good to show him love, I don't mean it in a selfish way. I just mean that you can give so much of yourself, that you feel empty.
I know we are to be our spouses helpmate, and I have taken that seriously for 22 years. I guess right now, I'm just tired and feeling overwhelmed, abused and neglected. anyway, I guess I just wanted to tell you, I relate. I'm praying for God to change me right now. I know I can't change him, but I can change me.
I'll pray for you too.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 312 Location: In Prayer

Attitude is everything for me-

I know I can be very critical of my husband. He is not a perfect and loving man - yet I know for myself, that I am not a perfect loving wife. I have a tendency to find fault more often than I choose to praise with words of kindness and love. If an unkind word is spoken to me, I can react with Christ's love - or I can spew venom right back at him before he has the last word out of his mouth. I set the tone for my home. Do you know the old saying , "If momma ain't happy - no one is happy?" Very Happy

Psalm 64:3 - They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their words like deadly arrows.
Proverbs 12:18
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

When I choose this path of negativity with my husband, it does little to speak respect to him. In turn, he probably doesn't get the warm and fuzzies about loving me.

I just read a great book by Emerson Eggerichs called Love and Respect. It has given me new perspective in the words I choose to say to him and how I speak about him to friends and acquaintances. It's about using words that build up, instead of tear down. It also speaks about how important it is for a husband to show his wife love. So we get ourselves into this viscious circle of "He doesn't show me love so I can't respect him" or "I can't love her because she doesn't respect me."

Matthew 7 (The Message)
"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own.

Matthew 7 (NLT)
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?

I wanted to share my journey in my marriage. Changing my heart and attitude has made a world of difference in how my husband loves me and responds to me.

I have lifted both of your marriages up in prayer today.

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