alion
Newbie
Joined: 12 Apr 2007
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 9:00 am Post subject: Married Young - Can I start Over? |
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I'm 25 yrs old. I've been married for almost 3 yrs. I said I DO and took the sacred vows not knowing what I was getting into or recieving any counseling from my church and family. After starting a real adult life and getting to know my husband and after reviewing the choices i made in life, I want to start over 
One of the ways I'd start over does include divorce. I care for him as a person but i don't love him or desire him as a husband. We want different things and the past year has been very bad. We live as two seperate people. We've started counseling and i'm told to stay married even if i don't love him. It's like I made the choice and even if it was a mistake I have to live with it.
Is that really the truth?
I know God is a God of miracles, but for some reason, i don't want a miracle in my marriage. I just want to start over and set things right with my spiritual life, my career, my education, my family, etc.
The type of person i am .. i'm rarely at home to tend to a husband and to a house.
I don't want the glitz and glamour single life. I just want to be alone to follow my dreams and walk in purpose.
Am I just being a stupid 25 yr old for wanting this for myself?
Am I just being naive about love? I'm not looking for another man.
Any advice[/color]
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 1989
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:14 am Post subject: |
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The day you married, you made a promise to God and your husband and your family - until death do you part. I think you're still breathing. 
| Quote: | | I said I DO and took the sacred vows not knowing what I was getting into or recieving any counseling from my church. |
Every married person out there goes through the "love is blind" stage.
Then comes to the "realization" state of "oh my god, what have I done?"
I think that's where you are at right now. You knew what you were getting into...you might have had unrealistic expectations of what marriage was going to be like.
What do you think marriage was going to be like?
Love is not a feeling. It is a decision and choice each and every day to stay committed to the vows that you made. I've gone through periods in my marriage where I haven't felt like I loved my husband anymore - but when I've seriously looked at why, it had more to do with feelings of butterflies and emotion that it did reality. It had a lot to do about lack of daily connection to Christ.
| Quote: | | It's like I made the choice and even if it was a mistake I have to live with it. Is that really the truth? |
As a follower of Jesus Christ, you do not have an out because you think you made a mistake. The bible is pretty clear about God hating divorce.
Since the hard work of building a marriage and doing counseling before marriage, didn't take place, now's the time to work on it. Marriage doesn't just happen naturally or spontaneously - it takes some effort and commitment. And...sometimes hard work.
Divorce is not a way to start over. It brings deep pain, guilt, anxiety and ruined lives. And... there are obvious issues, baggage and junk in your trunk you will bring with you into another relationship if you don't dig deep and figure out what's at the root of why you want to bail out and run.
| Quote: | | I just want to start over and set things right with my spiritual life. |
You are being deceived that this decision will improve your spiritual life. It won't. It's important to work on your spiritual life now. It wasn't until I worked on getting it right with God, that my marriage began to improve. I was very self-centered - it was all about me and what I wanted. That's not what Jesus modeled was for us - he was willing to be a servant. That's where our hearts need to be. How can I become more like Christ everyday?
| Quote: | | I just want to be alone to follow my dreams and walk in purpose. |
It's possible to share these dreams with your husband. Why can't you dream dreams together and learn God's purpose for both of you? It's possible to do. It may not be exactly in line with what you want but have you considered what God may want?
| Quote: | Am I just being a stupid 25 yr old for wanting this for myself?
Am I just being naive about love? |
You've asked the question - which tells me you've contemplated the answer...
It might be Yes. |
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