Help, My husband doesn't want to have sex with me.

flygirl · Newbie Joined: 18 Aug 2006 Posts: 1

My husband doesn't want to have sex with me. We have been having martial problems throughout our young marriage (less than 2 years). Is he having an affair? I don't understand why he wouldn't be interested in sex with his wife. I have tried everything: nighties, romantic dinners, candles, everything!!! Any advice?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

Sit down and talk to him to find out what it is that may be bothering him. Stress can be a factor. Sometimes there can be health issues that a visit to the doctor together may discover and tests may reveal. Our sexual desires are not always similar and while several times a week may seem normal to you, it may be different for your husband.

sweetness · Newbie Joined: 25 Sep 2006 Posts: 10

When I was married to my ex husband he was not intrested in having sex with me. There are lots of factors involved some examples:

1. work environment
2. stress
3 family
4.friends
5. medication

If your spouse is taking any medication that can affect his sexual moods.

I tried candles, romantic dinners, music, nighties and nothing worked.

I found out that the medication he was on affected his sex drive. I was not upset with him after that becasue I knew it was not his fault.

Please consider if medication is involved it might be the medication and not your spouse.

It will get better.

The low sex drive was not the reason that I am divorced. We had a lot of problems in our marriage due to his mental illness.

4jc · Newbie Joined: 30 Aug 2008 Posts: 4

I'm new to this community...wasn't sure where to post my struggle but the headline of "my husband doesn't want to have sex with me" applies to my situation. I have very complicated issues in my marriage which is why I've kept from posting though I have received your e-newsletters for years.

I found out about 5 years ago that my husband had been addicted to porn since before we were married, which is about 23 years now. Apparently, he had been with prostitutes throughout our married years as well...this somewhat explained his lack of desire to be intimate with me. This, of course, has been extremely painful and I struggle to not be bitter or resentful. We went to counseling but that faded. he postponed a session and never rescheduled. He promised to get help belonging to an addict's support group but never did. His excuse was having to work. He had a business venture that went bad and that created an extremely difficult financial season for us so he had to work. We have been to counselors for years but now I know part of what was going on in his heart. There has also been mental and emotional abuse. He is very critical and not very loving nor understanding. We are still together but it's so empty. I want to separate but I'm afraid. He has not touched me in four years and I feel like I'm dying inside. We have other deep rooted issues since before we married which I'm sure lends to his indifference, though he assures me it doesn't. "We" had an abortion and when I got pregnant again, I wasn't sure it was his baby. I know I'm a new creation in Christ but this has been a major stronghold in my heart and our marriage. I know I need to seek a counselor for myself at this point but we just don't have the money. He does not go to church with me either even though he is a Christian. We have met with my pastor but he felt judged by him. I have read books, I study the Word, I worship all so I can stay right with Christ but I wonder if I'm in denial. Sorry this is so long but I'm in desperate need of hope.

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