pornography addiction

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

I am so happy yous are doing good! Honestly! I know how hard it is to just put these feelings on the back burner BUT I think it's great idea for the two of you to go away. We also did that in September. We went to a thing called Marriage Encounter- it's a Christian marriage "thing" for better communication. It really helps get those feelings out and helps discuss them. There are so many it is worldwide. It cost us $25 and it was from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. I knew we needed to go away too, just the two of us to talk and I think this was the best thing we ever did, all different age couples from 20 yrs old-50 yr old and everything in between. www.wwme.org is where I found the one closest to us and more info about it. Just a thought.
Well today we had a blow out, the tension you can cut with a knife. He started flipping out because HE forgot to do something. He never was like this before. Than he went into the bathroom for a while and came out and asked if he could speak to me in the bedroom (kids were there), he apoligized for flipping and said he doesn't feel like he does anything right anymore because he is trying harder than ever and nothing works out. (which seems to be true, the harder he trys the more he screws up) I don't know why. And I don't think it's strange to hug and cry after "mad sex" (hehe) I think it so emotional, ours are like on a rollar coaster and it's like a crash release. (Personal thought) Hold onto it!!!
Anyway off to church- covered dish dinner! YUM!
Take Care April, Praying for a good Sunday for yous too!
Stacy

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Well saturday night was crazy yesterday was the first time we did not fight since I found out. Thank you God. ....We went to the pastor today and the therpaist tommrow Smile

Keep praying please

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

Thank God! Prayers are coming!
Good Luck with both meetings!

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

Aprild,
Hoping your couseling went well and things are a little better.
Know you are still in my prayers!
Stacy

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Well I guess it helped a little. I am actually disappointed with him. I thought as a christian therapist there was no prayer and he did not mention God at all and also he pretty much said in his on words that going out and drinking was okay?????????? I dont know about this guy?? My husband seemed to have liked him ....I dont know..... My husband has been an angry yelling maniac I dont knowwhat is going on. Yesterday he really shockd me he said about our youngest son what does that f...in sob want.... I was really shocked he has so much anger and hate oin him and then he has the guts to say well with what you have done and what I have done our marriage is destroyed I said it is damaged and he sadi not destroyed and keeps calling it a failure. And he married me thinkoing I could make him happy. And life has dealt us some hard roads butthat is no ones problems life and marriage are not simple anf easy and fun all the time.... I am so frustrated wit hhim case he is already getting tired and laying back off of seeking God .....

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

I would give the therapist another shot and ASK him to start with prayer maybe that will loosen the mood. Our first date there wasn't the easiest either. Believe me, they haven't a clue at first. Remind him biblicly you have every right to divorce and ask the therapist isn't that correct.
The rage is normal too, it's all build up. It's been in a few books I have read on affairs. My husband is still having them but not as much, it really ticks me off cause we should be the ones having them not them. RIGHT?
Leep praying for him, God hears ya!!
He will learn how to redirect his anger into meaningful communication- he will. Just tell him he has to totaly control it in front of the kids. They didn't do anything wrong (I know either did you), but he has to vent some how. I have been praying for both of you. And will continue. Take Care Aprild!

rdsmith3 · Veteran Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 332 Location: NJ

April,

I am really sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with the counsellor, and that your husband is not seeking the Lord with all his heart.

Regarding counselling, I know it is difficult and painful to start a relationship with a counsellor, but do not hesitate to change the counsellor. I will tell you from personal experience that my wife and I, and my son (her stepson), went to a Christian counsellor who frankly caused a lot of damage to my marriage. I am not blaming her -- I take accountability for my mistakes -- but she definitely steered me in the wrong direction, and she said some hurtful things to my wife.

The good news is that there are good Christian counsellors out there, but I had a hard time finding someone. The guy I go to now is very Biblically based, and we always start and end with a prayer. He is very helpful to me.

So if you think your spirit of discernment may be telling you that this is not the right counsellor for your situation, do not be afraid to change.

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Alot has changed since I posted my last post. well we went away for our weekend and it was alright but the day we left we found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant..... I was bleeding a little but I seem to be okay please pray that pur baby will be a healthy baby and theire will be no complications.... I find it amazing to find out I am pg now after finding oput all thses things and I had been pregnant for five weeks. I found out three weeks ago today ..... God's time is always on time I know but it is a little hard to take all this in at one time,, ya know ....My husabnd is really feeling convicted now and he has been praying alot anf really going to God wich is great I hope it continues......And the really bad part is he was told last week the head man coronel wants to talk to him Thursday and it is not good... He thinks they know so he may be getting kicked out of the millitary.... I gave it to God and so did he but I am so worried.... You can get kicked out of them illitary for just cheating on your spouse -- but he slept with one elisteds wife and two enlisted soldiers and of course the prostitue so that is really really bad.....cause he is an officer.... I wan to throw up.....I am trying not to think of the details I know he is sorry but it still will not go out of my mind you know....Our family needds alot of prayer at this time please pray

.................

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

Aprild,
You are in our prayers. God does have His timing just right no matter how much it hurts. I hope the meeting went ok with your husband and the "big guy". Cheating is illegal so I see why he could get kicked out but there has to be another plan God has for you both and your Blessed new baby.
Please keep us updated- we do care!
Stacy

David26 · Newbie Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 7

Hello WifeandMother,

You have started a nice thread to dicuss.....this is the big issue all over the world...... Thank you very much for bringing up this topic and helping others......

A person addicted to pornography material is probably the worst types of addicts, outside of crack addicts. Pornography has lead to murder, thief, lies, deceit, torture, etc and it only promotes serial killers, serial rapists, pedophiles, etc.

People with pornography addictions tend to masturbate frequently, and will often switch sexual partners on an ongoing basis. Most addicts will use pornographic materials to satisfy a greed, envy, or burning desire, which is a selfish desire.

Pornographic addictions are harder to understand, since it is a thought provoking action backed by chemicals and hormones. Persons engaging in pornography will often have lack of respect and might extend their addiction to extreme harmful acts, i.e. pornography leads to child molestation and pornography depictions of innocent children. Both men and women engaging in pornographic materials are sick mentally and will need help to recover.

David.

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

Thank you David,
I totally agree, it is a very touchy subject. Alot of people push it under the rug because of the effect the outcome will have on the family, but ya know what? If it doesn't come out, how are we suppose to help them the best WE can?
I have heard alot of what you said of where their future goes and most starting as young teenagers thinking nothing was wrong since "everyone was doing it". I have to say I was totally naive to the whole pornography thing being as bad as it is. My focus was on pornography and our youth (being a youth leader). I have done lessons on it but never thought it could effect me personally until all of this came out. And I am so thankful to have met wonderful, informative people her on Growthtrac. And glad I was told by my husband when it didn't get so out of control that he physically hurt other people. Again thanks you David for your input, it's a scary world out there, but knowing God has my back I am thankful!
Stacy

Melissa · Newbie Joined: 07 Mar 2007 Posts: 8

Stacy,
Hope you get this--I'm new here and not sure if I'm doing this right. thanks so much for the websites but as I was saying in my letter--we are looking more for a program that will e-mail the websites that person visited that day to another computer. We're really not looking for a filtering. If you know of any like that-- that are free besides x3watch(for some reason that won't work on his computer) could you please let me know.
Thanks again, Melissa

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

OH I gotcha, X3 is the only one that I know of. I didn't hear about X3 until all this crap either. I wish ya luck, maybe check with like Best Buy "computer geaks", they know alot about computers and it shouldn't cost ya anything to ask and have them search for you.
Prayers are with you.
Stacy

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