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JWinKC
Newbie
Joined: 30 Jan 2007
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:24 am Post subject: Please pray for me! |
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| Hello everybody! What a wonderful resource for Christians. Let me start by saying"Praise the Lord!" I am hoping that some good old fashioned prayer will help me get through a difficult time I am having with my marriage. In a nutshell, my wife and I have been together for 18 years, married for 10. Although I know our love is strong, I haven't always made the best of choices and I feel like I have dropped the ball in many ways.I'm not the most attentive husband out there; at times I have been selfish, arrogant and just plain foolish. I feel in so many ways I have let her down. I really do love her and I'm a little bit worried lately that she may be reaching the end of her rope, so to speak. My main concern is that as of about August 06 she has been spending a LOT of time on internet chat. A friend of hers got her started because she felt the distraction would help my wife from losing her sanity and give her an outlet for her frustrations concerning me and my problems. At first, I didn't think it was a problem, in fact I thought it might be good for her to "get it off her chest". The problem now is that she is now making friends with a group of guys she met at these sites. I have no problem with that in itself, we all need friends , but she insists upon flirting with them even after I have told her it hurts me for her to do so. She doesn't seem to think it is a problem, thinks I don't trust her,( I really do) that I'm just being a control freak(maybe there's some truth in that)and that I am overreacting.We have been arguing about it for quite some time with both of us feeling we are right in our thinking.I have found much info on this site to help me try and deal with this. I have even shared this site with her and she has read some of the things I have read regarding this topic. I can only pray that something clicks for her. She is a Christian women who helped bring me into the light of Jesus' love about 5 or 6 years ago. I am just a little confused as to why she doesn't see what she is doing could be hurtful to our marriage.Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Yours in Christ, JW |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2162
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:22 am Post subject: |
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I have lifted you and your marriage up in prayer.
| Quote: | | The problem now is that she is now making friends with a group of guys she met at these sites. I have no problem with that in itself, we all need friends , but she insists upon flirting with them even after I have told her it hurts me for her to do so. |
Flirting with the opposite sex and having online conversation leaves the door wide open for temptation. It's just that pure and simple. She is connecting her heart to others. Whether flirting online or in person, it has the same affect. It's dangerous. Put the shoe on the other foot if you were flirting with women online and I'm sure she would not be happy.
I would imagine this is an outlet for her and that's why she's unwilling to let go of it. If it takes time away from the two of you being together, communicating, having date nights, romancing each other, etc. - then it is not healthy to your marriage.
| Quote: | | I'm not the most attentive husband out there; at times I have been selfish, arrogant and just plain foolish. I feel in so many ways I have let her down. |
The fact that you own up to this is a good thing. But what are you personally doing to make changes within yourself? If you're afraid she's at the end of her rope - then it's time to take some drastic steps. Drastic steps includes individual and couple counseling. Whenever my husband and I are not seeing eye-to-eye and we're stuck (which it seem you are too) it's time to get a tune-up. |
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JWinKC
Newbie
Joined: 30 Jan 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 12:05 am Post subject: |
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| Thank you,SAM, for your prayers and insight. The simple act of asking for and receiving prayers has indeed uplifted our home. I have had some very interesting things happen in the last few days. There has been some heartfelt conversation between us. I finally feel we had a breakthrough moment on how we both look at the way each of us perceives this. I am a typical male (whatever that is) when it comes to another man paying to much attention to my wife. Jealousy reared it's ugly head. I got angry, was confused,and felt betrayed.We argued for weeks when we did "talk". I kept trying to figure it all out and I just kept on chasing my tail. I had let myself believe that I could fix this. I let my emotions blind me temporarily from the truth and that was I wasn't going to change my wife, no matter how hard I tried.I kept praying throughout < asking what do I need to learn from this?I realised it was simply to turn it over to God. I started seeing my pastor for counseling about two months ago. It has helped me communicate more effectively with my wife and also helped me to see some things in me that need attention.I also attend a men's spirituality group at church. We are a support to each of us. I'm glad I'm not where I used to be.I have much to be thankful for in that regard.I also know that I must trust my wife to use her best judgement. I love her that much. She has told me it is an outlet and not an inlet, which I respect. I know she really does love me. She still wants to chat, but she said she would stop all the flirting she does, so I feel this to be a fair compromise. I'm not too worried now. I feel a burden has already been lifted.It's amazing, the power of prayer! Thank you to all who prayed.Yours in Christ JW |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2162
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:11 am Post subject: |
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Hang in there with your men's group. It's the best thing you can do for yourself in terms of accountability. We all need a bit of that to keep ourselves on track spiritually.
Prayers are easy! Thanks for letting us know that they've been helping.
In the meantime, find a way to romance and date your wife. It might pull her away from the computer. There's lots of articles here on Growthtrac that will help you with ideas. |
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JWinKC
Newbie
Joined: 30 Jan 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:52 am Post subject: |
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| Thank you all. I will continue the men's group. It is just what I needed. My father died 14 years ago the 29th. I haven't had a man to talk about lifes trials who I felt I could pour out my stuggles to. The time I spend with these guys is very calming to me . They have been there, done that.Their wisdom and friendship has shown me how to be a stonger man of God.I'm not alone, as I had felt for so long.Could you help me find some resources about how to reawaken our romance? I need to show my wife that I am still the guy she fell in love with, and that I love her for who she is, not just who I need her to be. Thank you again.Yours in Christ JW |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2162
Location: Chicago
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rdsmith3
Veteran
Joined: 04 Oct 2006
Posts: 391
Location: NJ
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| Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 10:12 am Post subject: |
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JW
I was talking to my counsellor this morning (I thank God that he is willing to meet me at 7:00 AM) and we were discussing the topic of an accountability partner. I do not have one, but it is something I am thinking and praying about. My counsellor meets with his accountability partner every Sat morning at 6:00 AM.
The idea is that he is someone who would ask you what you have done in the last week -- have you read the Bible; any secret sins to discuss; in what areas are you struggling; have you honored your wife; and so on.
So, while I am not yet doing this myself, it is something I encourage you to consider.
He told me that someone did a study of 600 pastors who had a major falling, and the biggest common denominator was that they did not have someone else to whom they were accountable. |
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JWinKC
Newbie
Joined: 30 Jan 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 4:53 pm Post subject: |
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| The articles are a great source of inspiration. I thank you once again, SAM.This is all coming at just the right time for me to really do something special for our anniversary.Lots of good ideas. rd, thanks for your input.As of yet, I don't have an accountability partner either. I will bring it up to my pastor. He has been with our church for just over a year. We have developed a friendship that I find refreshing.He is very down to earth and approachable. I think he will be morwe than happy to help.Yours in Christ JW |
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