Ongoing marital problem

sheshell · Newbie Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 10

I know this isn't as bad as abuse or cheating, but it's still a problem I have to deal with and I need some advice. My husband and I have been married 4 years, but we've been together for 10. I have been a christian all my life, and he became one 2 years ago. I take marriage very seriously, and I think that after God should be your family as far as priorities go. My husband has a tendency to stay out all night with friends. He used to do it wuite frequently, and although he has settled down some, he still does it every once in a while. I think there is no reason for a married man or woman to be out in the middle of the night. And I think if I did that to him he would leave me. He thinks I should be happy he's at home more and he always says he's sorry, but he does it again. Marriage is a commitment and you have to make sacrifices, but it seems when he gets around his friends, he forgets he's married. My question is am I making to much of this? I just don't know how much I can take of not being important enough for him to come home at a descent hour. By the way we have two young children also.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1950 Location: Chicago

I would not be a happy camper if my husband did the same thing. It's one thing to go out for a little while and be home by 10:00, it's a completely different thing to not come home all night. I would guess he's at a bar?

Does he have any Christian men in his life that he can go to about this and ask their opinion? In other words, someone that holds him accountable?

A couple of things he should consider -

1) Does my decision to do this bring temptation into my life?
2) Does this bring an opportunity to talk about my love of Christ and faith, or does it break down my defenses and allow me to behave in a way that does not reflect Christ in my life?
3) Am I being faithful in this environment, not just physically but also with my heart and my eyes?
4) Do I enjoy the attention of the opposite sex when I'm out with the buddies?
5) Does this create stress in my marriage?
6) Am I honoring my spouse with this behavior?

sheshell · Newbie Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 10

He says he is playing pool or just hanging out, whatever that is. A few of his friends aren't christian, there still single. A couple of his friends say there christian and have important roles in the church, but I think they do the same thing. He swears there are no women around. These are very good questions, but he doesn't listen to me, and he doesn't like people knowing our business.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1950 Location: Chicago

greenwidow · Full Member Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 112

[quote="sheshell"] My husband has a tendency to stay out all night with friends. He used to do it wuite frequently, and although he has settled down some, he still does it every once in a while. I think there is no reason for a married man or woman to be out in the middle of the night. [/quote]

Okay...been here and husband did that....

This WILL come back to bite you later. Don't make the mistakes that I did. There really is NO reason that a married man NEEDS to be out in the middle of the night. Buddies or no...you are the priority. With that being said...men want wives that are interested in the things that they are interested in. They crave companionship.

Don't mother your husband. He is an adult, even if he makes bad choices. You can't nag...you can't complain...you can get a life. I spent 19 years trying to mold my husband. He found a woman who submitted to his social agenda and was always where he was. He and I are together today, but on much different terms. If you are always telling him no and there is no peace at home, then why would he want to spend time there? I am not recommending that you buckle in...but don't be the heavy.

Do the two of you go out together? You spoke about having two little children. So many times when we have young kids the budgets are tight and you are frazzled at the end of the day. Pick two dates out of the next month and arrange for child care (overnight if possible) and plan a date with your husband. Make it a good one. Do things you wouldn't do because of time restraints or cost. He's going to spend the money and time on you or the boys...make it you. If you plan ahead, the date doesn't even need to cost that much. Don't stay home!

It is amazing how resourceful we can be when we are looking forward to an event. Dress up like you would if this were a first date and don't forget the allure of a special perfume or dangling earrings. What hooked him to begin with? Show him what he is missing when he is gone. Gently nudge him in your direction.

Read two chapters of the Bible 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5. Do you love your husband? Is there anything about your dealings with him that could be seen as selfish? Are you patient and kind? Hand him the Bible and he will get the idea around verse 11. Your husband is commanded in Ephesians to love you as he loves himself. Does he? If he does he will know your needs and care for them. In submitting to your husband you show trust in him to meet your needs spiritually, emotionally, and financially. It is a call to task for him as well as yourself. It's hard to trust others to do what they are supposed to do, but you two are on the same team.

Just as a final note: My husband, an upright business man, ended up getting a tattoo this year. In Kanji it says God, Wife, Children. It's on his upper arm. He said it's there to remind him of his priorities in order of importance.

	Growthtrac Community Forum Index -> Emotional Needs	All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1