Marriage what to do

chigham · Newbie Joined: 20 Jul 2006 Posts: 5

Hi

Heres a qick run down: We have move here from SA, I have gone from a career woman to mother and house wife, from having friends to having absolutely none have 4 children youngest is 7 months old. Apart from missing home and friends I have been post natal too. 2 weeks after having my baby I had my father in law stay with us (didnt go well dislikes me intensly - so I obviously couldnt do anything right) My father in law is upset because we move here and believes its my fault so he stirred a bit while he was here. He said alot of mean things which my husband never defended me or suppoted me. Eventually I defended myself which upset my husband. My husband never has time for me too busy on computer, watching t.v or playing PS2 games until 4/5 in the morning and I am lonely and have no one to talk to. Hence the problem! He feels that I disrespected him by defending myself to his dad. He now hates me and thinks I am ugly. He says I am a good supportive wife but he cant forgive me and this is my fault. If I want to leave because a argument is too heated he takes away all HIS bank cards (I dont have a bank account dont have money) and tells me I run away. I dont like heated argument but If I ask hims for eg to not play resident evil while our children are awake he sends them to bed early just so he can play so I ask him not and to compromise and he get all angry and starts to shout and I try reason with him and eventually I shout back because if I try speak he sings over me so I wont be heard! My children get scared because he hits walls and throws cups around or threatens to smash the tv and then once he is calm says its my fault because I antagonise him? He sweears at me and shoves me and tells me I am not worth the effort he gives me. I do get mad sometime and hurt so I lash back and say mean thing to him too just so he can feel how much he is hurting me. My brother in law (my sisters hubby) was not happy with the way he treated me when his dad was he says he treated me like crap. My family believes he trying to control me his father insists I shouldnt have a say. I just dont know what to do - weather I should just leave him or what. We havent been to church since we moved here a year and a half ago and I try to stay in the word and watch Creflo Dollar but he wont have anything to do with it. I feel lonely, hurt and worthless and just plan UGLY

webacus · Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 6:17 pm Post subject:

chigham · Newbie Joined: 20 Jul 2006 Posts: 5

Hi

Thanks for the help. No my brother in law stays in SA they came out here for a week and his father was here for a month. My mom stays close by but she works alot and its awkward to involve parents especially IF you sort things out because they'll never get along properly again!

Quite honestly that was the last thing I was expecting to hear. I thought I would be told thet I am disrespectful and need to submitt more thats why hes vents his anger so badly. I really did believe that maybe everything I do or say is antagonising that I need to learn to speak properly and act properly too? I love my husband and I dont believe he wants to be an abuser.

I will read the articles.

Thanks

webacus · Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 7:26 am Post subject:

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2163 Location: Chicago

Your husband, the man you claim to love, should not treat you this way. I agree with Webacus - your husband is physically, emotionally and verbally abusing you and your children. He is not a loving and Godly husband, he is a selfish and self-absorbed bully.

This is not the way a marriage should be. It should be filled with honor and respect. It should not be filled with verbal abuse or physical altercations.

You are not ugly and bad - you are beautifully and wonderfully created by an awesome and loving God.

It's time to seek counseling for your marriage or at least for yourself. You need to understand that this is not a "normal" relationship.

chigham · Newbie Joined: 20 Jul 2006 Posts: 5

Hi

Thanks for all the support. (SA= South Africa.)

I will definitely look for councelling for myself and perhaps the children too.

Just very difficult situation to be in I have 4 children and I want them to have a happy stable home. Not a separated family that teaches them vilance or anger yet here I am in this angry home and I dont know what to do.
I want to do whats right for them and for me as well as know what God wants from me but I am so emotional lately I dont know which way to turn

thank you for your beautiful words they are just what I needed at this particular moment in my life.

thankyou for your kindness.

webacus · Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 12:28 pm Post subject:

You're welcome.

You're on-track. Seeking objective counsel
is the best thing right now. I think you'll get some
perspective and possible next steps.

The "holidays" could be an especially tough time for you.
Hang in there. And pray.

Don't discount the power of prayer.

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