I need Help! (married only 1 year)

confused25 · Newbie Joined: 15 Sep 2006 Posts: 4

Hi I am brand new to this board and i think it may actually help me. I am 25 and have been married for one year. Ever since our wedding things really havent been the greatest, and i honestly don't know how i am doing this still. My wife has told me on quite a few occasions she hates me, she wants a divorce, no one will ever love me, and she doesn't love me. Through it all i have honored that we made a covenant with God and this is til death due us part.
I have talked this over with my pastor and he simply suggests enduring it, and praying for a miracle, saying she expects me to leave and thats why she says she wants a divorce but doesnt get one. Now what she tells me is she doesnt want to get close to me. This entire year that we have been married we have been intimate only 5 times. This leads to frustration and i have taken it out on her. Her daughter lives with us and sees the way her mother treats me so her 5 year old does not respect me. My wife treats me like she is the only girl i could have. I am a good looking guy and still very young, i chose her because i wanted to not because i had to. Now I have friends telling me that as i stay with her i am missing out on a woman that is made for me.
I don't know what else to do. The only thing that would ever change her mind about this would be Jesus actually coming down and telling her to her face. I need all the help i can get, i feel like i am emotionally dead and now its starting to affect my everyday life.
I have been extra nice lately and told her i loved her every night, written her notes, and tried what seems like everything. Thank you for any advice you may offer. If you can't offer me any advice i just ask that you keep us in your prayers. Sorry for the long post, but i dont have anywhere else to turn. Thanks again and God Bless!!!!

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1990 Location: Chicago

Having been married at 19 myself, I feel your pain.

Is counseling offered through your church? Or, is there a mentor couple with a solid, long term marriage who could walk alongside your marriage to help it along? You marriage is going to need counseling to help you negotiate through the issues of communication, conflict and learning what God's design really is for your marriage.

We all bring baggage into our marriages - some more than others. I learned the hard way that I had to unpack mine and deal with it for my marriage to thrive. I also had to take a very honest look at my relationship with God and I realized it was pretty weak. Once I worked on that, with God's help, my marriage began to change for the better.

Satan is providing you with a package of lies through your friends. The lie is that you are missing out on a woman who is made for you. It's like their feeding your brain with garbage that they know better than God and so do you. It's simply not the truth.

You made a covenant before God and your family to marry this woman.
Remember, it's for better and for worse. Sometimes it may seem like there is more worse than better. It's part of the marriage promise you made.

If you like to read, please pick up "Every Man's Marriage" by Stephen Arterburn. Please call your pastor back and see if counseling is something you can do, then ask your wife to join you, if she will. If it isn't available through church, then seek professional outside counseling. Many non-profits offer counseling on a sliding-scale basis if finances are a concern.

You can't change your wife, but you can change yourself and your attitude toward her. It's not easy when words hurt and actions do not show love, but your best testimony to your faithin Christ is to love her and your daughter, even when love is not shown to you. You can change the course and direction of your marriage for the better - ask God to show you how.

webacus · Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:12 pm Post subject:

This must be a painful experience for you.

Two suggestions:

• Pray (You're right: it will take a miracle)

• Get counseling,

Ideally, you and your wife should get counsel together;
but it sounds like that's not do-able. For support and
strategy, you need to find a Christian counselor.

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