Walden710
Newbie
Joined: 31 May 2001
Posts: 2
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 Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2001 10:14 am Post subject: |
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The Bipolar Christian
sometimes i feel like i am a bipolar christian. there are those times when i am in the "highs" of my faith. it is then where i feel that God is extremely close to me. that he is watching every move that i make. that he is intimately connected to my life. those are the moments when i am listening to worship cds and singing out my praises to God at the top of my lungs. the moments that i know when i pray that God is going answer my prayers is his time and that his answer is going to be the best thing for me. those are the times that i see God's hand in everything that i do.
however, there are times when i am in the "lows" of my faith. those are the times that i feel that God is far away. the times when i don't necessarily feel his presence in my life. those are the times that i pray and i start to doubt that God will answer, or i feel that i want him to answer in a certain way or by a certain time. during these times i am listening to worship cd's but the words aren't sinking in. i am doing my daily devotions, but it seems like i am going through the act rather than opening my heart to the scripture. during these times i know that God is there, but i fail to see his hand in my life.
this is a cycle that i have often gone through since i first became a christian about 6 years ago. i have begun to realize that this is common for many christians. that many of us go through periods where we feel secure in our faith, and then other times when we are filled with apprehension and doubts. we don't necessarily doubt God's existence, but rather we doubt whether we as sinners are worthy enough for God to answer our prayers. sometimes bad things happen to us or we pray and pray about something and we never here an answer, and we are apprehensive about whether God is really listening or not. i have come to realize that the "highs" of my faith are the easy times. this is about 80% of my faith. during these times being a chistian is easy. i find that i have a desire to grow in him, that i feel secure in my faith, and i know that he is near me. however, i have come to feel that it is the other 20%, the "lows" that is the truly important part of my faith. it is during these times that i grow and learn the most. it is during this period that my faith is tested. these are the times that i am at my weakest and God can show me how strong he is if i will only believe and have faith in him. these are the times that God has drawn close to us and all we need to do is open our eyes and we will see that through good and bad he is always watching over us and working in our lives. i was at new community last week and had one of these eye opening moments as Paul Baloche was singing:
"Open the eyes of my heart Lord, Open the eyes of my heart,
I want to see you, I want to see you,
See you high and lifted up, shining in the light of your glory,
Pour out your power and love, as we sing holy, holy, holy..."
i don't know where you are in your faith today, but whether it be "high" or "low" my prayer is for you to open your eyes to see the Lord. no matter whether you feel strong in your faith or you feel like the weakest link may you see that the holy God is pouring out his power and love on you and is always working in your life. may your faith grow and your river of doubts dry up as you open your eyes and your heart to him.
beginning to see clearly,
tim |
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