marriage help

jhartshorn · Newbie Joined: 05 Jul 2006 Posts: 1

Please bear with me I am new to the site. I am in need of help for my marriage. I am in a situation where we have seperated in the past and reconciled and are currently together, however now my husband is telling me that he feels like life is passing him by and that we are too different in interests that this isn't going to work. I have been trying for a while to show him that this can work however he is now under the impression that great marriages require no work and just come naturally. I tried to explain that I have never encountered anyone in a relationship that has not taken work-but for some reason he feels it should come naturally. We have been married approx. 10 years with 3 children ranging in age from 6-12. Any suggestions are welcome-I am getting to my wits end and don't know where to turn.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

Has any type of counseling been considered? Either with a pastor of licensed Christian counselor?

Without it, things could continue to stay tough.

You're right good marriages do take work.

marasdac · Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:46 pm Post subject:

jhartshorn, here's a quote from tony evans, "the question is NOT is the marriage gonna work, but ARE you gonna work your marriage..."
i've been married for 17 years, 1 month and 2 days. the first 8 years
i didn't work on it, in fact i just co-existed with her.
only after giving my remote control , i mean my life, to JESUS, did i realize i never really LOVED my bride.
however it has been a lenghthy process... i now look for ways to tweak and adjust here and there. may i suggest counseling as well, but first evaluate your relationship with JESUS, does it resemble the way your husband views marriage, or are you walking closely to our MASTER?
I THINK the key for you is to be the godly woman CHRIST desires you to be. yeah i know this doesn't address your post.
but it will bring LIGHT into the darkness of your marriage. allow GOD to "play" HIS ROLE, AND perhaps you'll find your husband really needs your support.
a man, like myself, are often blinded by pride or comparing our lifestyle to others. unfortunately, we crush our best friend, our bride

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

Marasdac, I love that you "get it". Praise God and I'm so very grateful that it was not too late for your marriage. I think maybe God has appointed you to talk to other men about this!

I've recently come across some Jimmy Evans books called, "My Secret Paradise" and "Marriage on the Rock". In the very first chapter of Marriage on the Rock, he asks the question, "Who do you look to meet your needs everyday? If it is your spouse, then you will be extremely disappointed." I'm not sure that's his exact words, but it's pretty close.
In My Secret Paradise, he says disappointment is the #1 reason for divorce, not sex and not money. I agree with him.

If our relationship with Jesus Christ is not our first priority in life, how can we expect our marriages to be all that God created them to be? It's impossible. And, Satan is all too willing to jump right in and put all kinds of thoughts like "I deserve better" right into our emptied out hearts and brains that we've refused to fill with the love and word of God.

God himself lives in community with Christ and the Holy Spirit. He desires the same love and oneness for us in our marriages and community with other Christian brothers and sisters. We need to grasp this concept in our marriages and start "getting it". I read a recent statistic that says Christian marriages are failing at a higher rate than secular marriages. What does that say about Satan's attack and our hearts as Christians? It deeply saddens me.

Have you read "Every Man's Marriage" by Stephen Arterburn? I know you would enjoy it.

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