2nd Affair on the way

mom2two · Newbie Joined: 13 Apr 2006 Posts: 3

My husband had an affair with a lady we worked with about a year ago. Well he had at least an emotional affair I could never prove anything sexual happened. And now here I sit a year later and I am seeing all too familar signs of another affair. Right now my gut is telling me that its still innocent but that its not going to take much for it to turn into something more. I see where he calls her several times a day. And they aren't short conversations they are longer like 20 mintes or more. And its everyday right at the beginning of work and at the end of work.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2051 Location: Chicago

Your intuition is probably right and you need to call him on it.

1) Female friendships need to be seriously questionned with a married man
2) I would not be comfortable with my husband making morning and evening calls to a female associate
3) Please ask him about this. If he points the finger at you, becomes defensive and does not take your concern seriously, then you have your answer
4) Have you participated in couples counseling to find out what needs are missing in your relationship together?

Emotional or physical - the affair is just as painful. It's time to get some help for your relationship, if you haven't already.

mom2two · Newbie Joined: 13 Apr 2006 Posts: 3

Thank you for your advice and response. I just don't know how to go about telling him that I know about the phone calls. I wouldn't know about them if him and I didn't work at the same place and I can look up phone records plus our cell bill I can view detailed bill online and I did and that's how I know about the evening calls.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2051 Location: Chicago

I asked my husband -
He said because of your previous history with another affair, you have every right to check the phone bills. Let your husband know you have checked them because you had a feeling of discomfort about the possiblity of another relationship brewing or him becoming too close to another woman. It's important to let him know you have seen a pattern with the calls.

mom2two · Newbie Joined: 13 Apr 2006 Posts: 3

thank you so much! I know this will just cause an argument between the two of us and i really hate to confront him about it. But it eats away at me. I want him to be able to have female friends I don't want to be the jealous type but I just feel that nothing good can come from calling another girl every morning and afternoon for 20-30 minutes. Plus I am just very hurt that he would do this to me again!

webacus · Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 8:25 am Post subject:

I second that.

If your husband has a history, you have the right
to question his activities.

He should know that. In fact, he should welcome your
concerns & questions as that is how you will re-build trust
in him.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 314 Location: In Prayer

With past history, there should be no female friends unless you are present to talk with them, have dinner, lunch - together with your hubby. Under all circumstances, even in the workplace, he is not to go anywhere with another female by himself. It's called putting protective hedges around your marriage. And, it's called rebuilding trust.

CMcC · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 53

I'm so sorry you're going through this. (((HUGS))) You and your husband are in my prayers. Remember Psalm 37:5

Ja'Chi · Newbie Joined: 13 Apr 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Surrey, UK

I have walked the road with a friend who has been going through a similar situation for over five years now. In her case her husband isn't a Christian - I don't know whether or not yours is. At one point she started going through his pockets, phone bills, etc. and it caused her, not him, a lot of heartache, as she kept finding things that she expected to but didn't want to find.

I note that a lot of advice has been given about addressing things from your point of view, but you might also need to ask God to help you address a couple of tough issues:
* Why did it happen in the first place, and why could it be happening again? Is this something that you could try to peacably find out from him without him feeling attacked?
* Re-building trust will always be DIFFICULT thing, but you need to try and close your eyes to what you see in the physical and address not just your husband, but any woman that ventures into your marriage, spiritually. If you ask Him, He will give the strength, wisdom, grace that you need and the restoration that you seek.

I write the above not knowing whether or not you have done these things; if you have then stand, my sister, stand (Ephesians 6:13) for your God will not leave nor forsake you.

We're all, all, involved in a spiritual battle for our marriages whatever the status quo may be, so always remember that you're not alone. If you have never read Stormie Omartian's The Power of A Praying Wife I suggest you find it and make it a point of duty to build a hedge around your husband's heart in the place of prayer.

Please forgive the length of the email, will be praying for you. :) [/quote]

mom5 · Newbie Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Posts: 12

I just read your story and I just wanted to share with you a little of what happened to me... I have been married for a long time and was very naive when it came to trust. I never questioned any concerns or gut feelings that I had because my husband was a christian and was very involved with our church. We have had ongoing marital problems most of our marriage, but I never would of dreamed that he would cheat on me. I only found this out about 5 years ago and I must say that I was devasted to say the least. He has had 3 affairs. 2 of them were non-sexual and 1 was. He never told me about the first 2, but did admit to the ongoing affair that he had been invoved in. At the time of his confession, I asked him had there been any other relationships that he needed to tell me about. He swore to me that there were none. I started looking at his cell phone bills and discovered some numbers that were questionable and lenghty and occured often. He finally fessed up. Well, I should of followed my gut, but didn't. The trust bond now is destroyed. I still check phone records and still question. He always says that there is nothing to worry about. I am not so sure!!! Long story short...any relationship with the opposite sex that is not a professional one (work talk only), is setting the temptation there especially with past history. Thanks for letting me share. This is probably the best way for me to begin my healing process. Good luck and God Bless!!!

	Growthtrac Community Forum Index -> Emotional Needs	All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1